Damaged
by toledo girl
Summary: Just because we have to get over someone, does not mean that we can. Huddy.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Ruined

Her words had ruined his life. The one thing in life that he wanted, he couldn't have. She teased him with her candy coated lies about how she loved him for him and then went ahead and ripped his heart out of his chest.

Never, would he forgive her. Never did he want to see her face again. All the feelings that he once had for her were all gone and replace with those of regret and despise.

Did he really feel that way though? Sitting in the conference room, he started to question himself as he stared at the white board before him. Symptoms written down. His glazed over eyes, blankly staring forward as he twisted his cane around.

Three years had passed since that night, and here he was, still working for her. Still doing the same thing day after day. He could have gotten up and left if he desperately wanted to, nothing was stopping him. There was no contact though between the two. He didn't go into her office anymore and she didn't go up to talk to him anymore. He would send one of his team members down to get something approved while she would send someone up to give him a message.

No, that was a cheap excuse for not leaving. Just because he didn't talk to her didn't mean that he never saw her. He saw her everyday. Everyday he was reminded of what could have been and what he didn't have. Everyday, she killed him, just a little bit more.

That was when he had to ask himself the bigger question, why was he helping her? Right now, he was going out of his way to secretly help her. She had no idea that he was involved right now, and that was how he wanted it.

Fatigue. Numbness. That was all that was written up on the board. Nothing else. It didn't seem like a huge problem when you just saw those two words, but he knew that there was something more going on.

Chase walked in and sat down at the table.

"Any news?" House flatly questioned. Without actually being able to run any tests, he felt pretty hopeless.

"Nope," Chase answered. "Maybe you should just go up and talk to her," he suggested. "Let her know that you are trying to help her out."

House turned back and glared to him. "Why don't you go chase down the wife that left you?" he retorted.

Chase put his arms up in defeat. "Fine, I get it, you're still bitter. Just keep in mind, she's one of the only people that has access to every record you need. Also keep in mind that she could probably answer any questions you have without having to double check anything," he explained.

"It's not that important to me," he argued as he went back to staring at the board.

Chase rolled his eyes and left the room. He wasn't about to just stand there and watch this man waste his time staring at a board with nothing better to do. Especially when that man was in denial of what was really going on.

**Okay, so I got this ten chapter thing written down in my notebook that I have been working on during math class that last couple of weeks. I am going back and making a lot of changes to it. Let me know what you think. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Just a note, I did get some questions the whole House car crash episode. I'm completely ignoring the S7 finale. I would have a hard time believing even myself if I tried to write about her coming back to House after he pulled that stunt. Dominica will be mentioned in the next chapter when Wilson comes and talks to House. **

Chapter 2: Stuck

A man walked down the hallway. Medium built with fierce brown eyes, his presence was intimidating. The only thing that toned him down was his smile, and his thick, sandy hair.

After talking to the doctor, he was about to enter the room, but stopped. He watched Rachel for a minute as she sat by the window. Her back was to him, but he could still tell that she was thinking about something rather serious. Her head was propped up on her hands. Finally, he entered the room. "Hey Rach," he greeted.

The young girl turned around to him and sighed. "When can we go home?" she questioned. She was starting to get irritated with all of this. It was boring and all she wanted to do was get out of that place and go do something.

"Sorry kid, looks like we'll be here for a little while. Just until your mommy gets better," he explained. He and Cuddy were both a little thankful that she was bored and annoyed. That way she wasn't scared. That way she wouldn't be upset. He wanted to take her and leave her with either Cuddy's mother or sister, but they were both in and out of the hospital to see her and Rachel would just end up right back there.

"Come on Matt," Rachel begged. "Don't ya wanna go to the park?" she asked.

Matt just laughed. "Why don't you draw your mommy a picture?" he suggested.

Rachel folded her arms. "I've already drawn her enough to cover the entire refrigerator," she argued.

"I think you should give into her wishes," Cuddy stated as she sat up.

Rachel's eyes lit up at the sound of her voice. She quickly turned to her. "Are you feeling better mommy?" she anxiously questioned.

Cuddy was still weak. Her glossy eyes had dark circles under them. Her fatigue was physically visible. The only improvement that she had was the fact that she wasn't throwing up, then again, she hadn't eaten anything to throw up. Automatically, she started playing with her hand to try and get the feeling back in it. The tingling had never gone away and that was what truly worried her. Being tired wasn't so bad. She figured it was just not feeling good.

"I've only been here since last night honey," she gently answered.

"How are you feeling?" Matt implored. He at least wanted to see if she was any better at all before he left.

Cuddy shrugged. "A little," she replied.

"Good," he said and then went over and stood by her side. "I think it would be nice to get you back home," he stated and then leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.

"Now take her out before she gets fidgety," she ordered, smiling to Rachel. In all honesty, she didn't want her daughter to see her like this anyways. It just wasn't right to her for some reason.

Matt took the hint and nodded to her. "Alright Rachel, what do you say we go down and get some ice cream?" he offered. It was pretty early in the day and she hadn't even had lunch yet, but there wasn't any harm in it. Besides, she deserved it.

"Okay," Rachel happily agreed and then went and got her coat.

"Bye honey," she said as the two left the room. Once she was alone, she heavily sighed and leaned back against her pillow.

House came entered the hospital. Like usual, he pretended not to care as he passed the office that used to read Dr. Lisa Cuddy. Not too long ago, Cuddy had become Robinson.

It was the wedding that everyone had gone to, everyone but him. He couldn't do it.

He stopped before the elevator and waited. As he waited, he thought back to the night that she had broken up with him. The night that he called her over to help him with his leg after he attempted to operate. Even then, he instinctively called her, not anyone else, her. That was when he was still just hurt though.

It was a few months later when she met Matt and was constantly with him when he started growing more and more distant from her, up until the announcement that she had gotten engaged. That was the final string. He just couldn't do it anymore, but he still kept his job and stuck around. Maybe he had hoped that like Lucas, the engagement would be called off and she would be left single again, but that was thrown out the window on her wedding day.

The elevator door opened and Matt and Rachel stepped out. He knew exactly who they were, but they didn't seem to notice who he was. They just casually walked past him. Turning back, he watched them for a second before getting on and going up to his floor. For some reason, it kind of hurt him that Rachel didn't know who he was anymore.

As soon as the doors closed and he was alone, he took out his bottle and poured the pills out into his hand. He wasn't sure how many there were, but he didn't care. The pills that ruined his relationship, the pills that ruined his life, and he didn't care. They were helping him now.

Once the doors opened back up, he slid the orange container back into his pocket and continued to his office. Suddenly, he froze. Chase, Taub, Foreman, and Thirteen were pacing around in his office. They looked like they were arguing about something, something that they were worried about. Now, his curiosity was peaked, but part of him wanted to just turn back and leave. If the past few years have taught him anything, it's that sometimes not knowing is better.

He went on though. As if nothing were wrong, he threw open the door and tossed his things down by his desk. "I'm sorry, I thought the door said that this was my office," he said and then looked towards the door and then back to them. "Oh, look at that, it does. Now get out," he ordered before sitting down at his desk.

The room fell silent as the four stood there exchanging nervous glances with each other, silently urging each other to be the one to talk to him.

Thirteen stepped forward. "We found out a few more things about Dr. Robinson," she hesitantly announced.

House sat forward and waited. "Is it bigger than a breadbox?" he questioned, starting to get irritated with the secrecy.

"Not now," Taub remarked.

House suspiciously looked up to him. That was when he started catching on, his expression softened and he sat back.

"Some of the symptoms aren't actually symptoms. A few of them can be attributed to the fact that she is pregnant," Foreman explained.

House just nodded. It was a hard blow to him, but he wasn't about to act on it now in front of everyone and prove the rumors of him still loving her true. "So now they don't know whether or not the symptom is actually a symptom or not," he stated and then stood up.

Chase saw that he was about to go mark it down on the whiteboard. "Why don't we let the current doctors on the case handle it and we can move on to someone else," he suggested.

House went over to the whiteboard and started writing. "Because, this is actually interesting. Half the things we write down on here have a fifty fifty shot of actually being useful," he said and then looked back to him over his shoulder. "Keeps things more exciting if you ask me."

Chase sighed in defeat. "Look, I don't care if you want to obsess over someone that you can't have, but what ever you do, don't go overboard with this. She isn't even your patient and you're over here trying to cure her with the bare minimum of information on her," he explained.

House put the marker back down and turned to him. "If you can go find something more interesting down in the clinic or ER, then we can work on that. Until then, we work on this," he informed him.

"Fine," Chase responded and then headed back to House's office. "Come on, we're going to look for someone interesting," he told them.

House just stood there, again blankly staring at the whiteboard. He knew that there was nothing that he could actually do at this point, but that didn't seem to matter. All he knew was that if there was anything that went wrong with the other diagnosis, he was going to be able to save her. He needed to be able to be the back up in case there were some errors along the way.

"Lyme disease," he thought out loud. That had to be the first thing that they checked, it fit all the symptoms together. He needed more though. He needed to be able to see the tests himself. He had to find a way to get the current doctors to let him help without having to tell Cuddy anything.

In defeat, he looked down towards the ground and headed over to sit down. Chase was right, he was obsessing over something that he couldn't have. Instinctively, he pulled his bottle out again and poured a few pills into his hand and carelessly tossed them into his mouth.

It was only a matter of time before Wilson came to give his speech. Tell him how he had to move on, get on with his life. That sounded great when it was written down, the only problem was that he had nothing to move on to. There was no one else for him. Besides her, he had no one. He changed himself for her, he gave up things for her that he could have never done for anyone else.

_I loved you, you made me, hate me.  
You gave me, hate, see?.  
It saved me and these tears are deadly.  
You feel that?  
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.  
You feel bad? you feel sad?  
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!  
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start it was your knife.  
This strife it dies, this life and these lies.  
And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!  
I've , Lost it all, fell today, It's all the same  
I'm sorry oh  
I'm sorry no  
I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you  
I'm sorry oh  
I'm sorry no  
I wish I could I could have quit you.  
I wish I never missed you,  
And told you that I loved you, every time I fucked you.  
The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through.  
Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew!  
How could you do this to me?  
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you.  
I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up._

_~My Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead_

**Let me know what you think, whether or not you like the direction this is going in. I have to warn you though, this story as a whole doesn't get very happy. The ending maybe, but up until then is just pretty dark. Then again, when have I been known to write anything very happy? **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Something I Can Never Have

Nothing much got accomplished that day. The only thing that had been established about Cuddy was the fact that she was pregnant, not with his baby, but with the man that had replaced him.

That day, he left work early. There was no real reason for him to be there, it wasn't like he was about to get anything done. Instead, he just went home. The first thing he went for was the bottle of bourbon that he had in the cabinet. Then his pill bottle. He set them both down before him on the coffee table and started with a drink before his pills.

He had convinced himself that this was all for his leg. That this was so that he wouldn't feel the physical pain anymore.

Although he refused to let himself acknowledge it, he was slowly allowing himself to shut down and give up on everything.

O o o o o o o o o o

The four that had went down to search for a case all went back up to the conference room and solemnly sat there.

"I can't believe we didn't find anything," Chase stated from his seat at the table.

"You really think that he would have accepted anything even if we really did find something more interesting?" Foreman questioned. He knew that House was obsessed, and that until this was all over, there was never going to be a way to get him to move onto another patient.

Thirteen motioned over to the whiteboard. "And you have to admit, even if it is for all the wrong reasons, her case is pretty interesting. She passes out from dehydration and complains of numbness. She has all the symptoms for Lyme disease and tests negative. Now, he has to be able to figure out which symptoms stay and which go. You know that he would enjoy this if it were anybody else," she explained.

"But it's not anybody else," Taub stated, looking down to the table.

"And that's why he can't be completely trusted with this," Chase remarked.

"Well, he isn't actually the doctor in charge of her, so he's really doing no harm," Thirteen said, defending him.

"Why are you sticking up for him?" Chase questioned. It was starting to annoy him.

Thirteen sighed. "I don't agree with him. I just think that Foreman's right. No matter what we say or do, House is going to be stuck on this until she gets better. So we might as well just g o along with it for a while," she informed him.

Wilson suddenly entered the room. "Where's House?" he sternly questioned.

The four of them just exchanged looks and then watched him for a brief second. "Why?" Taub asked, knowing that he had crossed some line.

"He was just down stairs asking for Robinson's doctor to keep him updated on her, and then told him that he would be willing to work with him," he answered.

It didn't sound all that bad, but everyone knew what it was going to lead to.

"And I should add that when she was admitted, she talked to me and told me to promise her that I would not let House get involved with this," Wilson informed them. He then sighed. "And when he found out about her, he tried to actually get the case, but I stopped him and told him about her request," he added. The guilt became visible in his face as he stood there, remembering. He could see how hurt House actually was when he stopped him and told him. He looked as if he had been punched in the stomach.

At the same time though, she knew. Cuddy knew that House was still too attached and still too hurt and too bitter to think clearly enough to actually help her. And he could not deny that.

"Take a look at the board," Foreman instructed.

Wilson went and read it over. "Saw that one coming," he stated to himself. He then looked back to everyone. "You know where he's at?" he questioned.

"He left," Thirteen answered.

Wilson sighed. "I'll go look for him," he stated and then rushed out to go to his office.

O o o o o o o o

House laid on the couch as he stared up to the ceiling. A while he had lost track of the amount of both pills and alcohol that he had taken, but he didn't care. All he knew was that he felt almost nothing and that he might have almost forgotten what had happened earlier. A slight smile crept across his face as he thought about while they dated.

_House and Cuddy both laid under the covers together. "I think this needs to be said again," he stated and then looked to her and smirked. "You could go professional," he told her. _

_Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Thanks," she responded. _

"_You know, if my boss is nice enough, she might let me come in late which would allow me to do that again," he suggested. _

_Cuddy laughed. "I don't think your boss is allowed to do that," she answered. _

"_Why not? She's the boss. It's not like one of the employees can come and fire her," he argued. _

_Cuddy propped herself up on her elbow and smiled to him. "How about this, we go in on time, but then I have someone else work the clinic instead of you?" she offered. _

"_Deal," he replied and then took her in his arms. _

Wilson walked into the door and hurried into the living room, disrupting his thoughts. "House?" he questioned as he stood at the end of the couch.

House slightly lifted his head. "Oh look, the saint himself. What great news have you brought for me this time?" he asked, slightly slurring his words.

Wilson crossed his arms and sighed with annoyance. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked.

House pulled himself up and looked Wilson in the eyes. "Well," he said and then looked around the room. "It looks as though I am self medicating. See, I got that from the booze and pills," he stated and then picked up the half empty bottle and chugged a few drinks.

"You really are pathetic, you know that?" he questioned as he started to pace. He could barely be in the same room with him right now, let alone actually look at him. The man was self destructing right before him.

"Says the man who has nothing better to do than to chase me down and watch my every move," House responded.

"Like you're so much better! I know that you've been trying to get on Robinson's case!" Wilson announced.

House looked to him for a moment with confusion. "Robinson?" he implored.

Wilson stopped and looked to him. "Cuddy," he restated. "Her name is Robinson now," he stated.

"Right, Ms. Cuddy is now Mrs. Robinson. Hopefully Mrs. Robinson is a lot nicer to Mr. Robinson than she was to Mr. House," he venomously remarked.

Wilson finally looked to him again. This time, with some pity. He knew what it felt like to have your heart broken and then see the person you love go off with someone else. He understood it. This was just going too far though. He was deteriorating from it. "Look, I know that you loved her, but you can't go on this way! It's like you think you can somehow win her back if your the one to cure her. It's not going to happen House. You need to get that through your head. What you two had is over, and it's been over for three years," he explained.

House glared up to him. "How dare you come in here to my home and preach to me about my actions and what I should be doing. You were jealous over what we had because you failed at every relationship you were ever in. So now you come in here telling me to get over it like it was no big deal," he attempted to argue.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" Wilson questioned.

"I didn't have to," he bitterly responded.

Wilson was tired and just wanted to go home now. He had spent a good amount of time going from bar to bar looking for this man and finally just decided to go ahead and check the place where he lives. "Listen me House," he sternly ordered. "You two are done! You can't have her! She's taken! There is nothing that you can do about it!" he yelled.

House just blankly stared. He looked up to Wilson with the intent of saying something, but nothing came out.

"You're ruining your life over her. There are other women out there. As a matter of fact, you were married to one. Remember her? Dominika?" Wilson asked.

"We still are, we just agreed that we shouldn't be living together," House corrected him.

"She left you because she was tired of seeing you moping around after the wedding. You completely forgot about her and started ignoring her. It's really a shame, you two actually started convincing me that it wasn't such a mistake for you two to get married," Wilson informed him.

House didn't respond. Instead he just stared. No emotion, no expression.

Wilson just shook his head and left. He had gotten his point across. House wasn't out doing something completely idiotic, so he didn't need to do anything there.

House just laid back down and tightly closed his eyes. Even with the alcohol and Vicodin, he could still remember the news he heard today. He could remember her telling everyone her plans for the wedding and how Rachel was going to be the flower girl.

He could even remember her inviting him to the wedding. The all too hesitant and awkward presence in his office as she stood there and carefully handed him the invitation telling how she would like him to be there, that it would mean a lot to her. Then the tears in her eyes as he ripped up the invitation in front of her.

He did feel bad, watching her just nod and leave, trying to hide the fact that she was upset. It didn't matter though, he knew that it wasn't nearly as bad as what she had done to him. Not as bad as what she was doing now.

_I still recall the taste of your tears_

_echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears_

_My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore_

_Scraping through my head til I don't wanna sleep anymore _

_You make this all go away_

_You make this all go away_

_I'm down to just one thing_

_I'm starting to scare myself_

_You make this all go away_

_You make it all go away_

_I just want something _

_I just want something I can never have_

_You always were the one to show me how_

_Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now_

_This thing is slowly taking me apart_

_Gray would be the color if I had a heart_

_Come on tell me_

_You make this all go away_

_You make this all go away_

_I'm down to just one thing_

_I'm starting to scare myself_

_You make this all go away_

_You make it all go away_

_I just want something _

_I just something I can never have _

_In this place it seems like such a shame_

_Though it all looks different now_

_I know its still the same_

_Everywhere I look you're all I see_

_Just a fading fucking reminder of what I who I used to be_

_Come on tell me _

_You make this all go away_

_You make this all go away_

_I'm down to just one thing_

_I'm starting to scare myself_

_You make this all go away_

_You make this all go away_

_I just want something_

_I just want something I can never have_

_I just want something I can never have _

_~ Something I can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Hurt

The next day, it was decided that Cuddy should get an ultra sound done, something that when House heard about it, stated that that would have been one of the first things that he would have done.

Cuddy laid there on the bed. This was going to be the first time that she would be able to see her baby. As excited as she was, she was also nervous. It wasn't a big secret, they were making sure that it wasn't the baby that was making her sick. If that was the case she would have to get rid of it, terminate the pregnancy.

"All right Dr. Robinson," Dr. Kline said as she started the machine and then sat down next to her bed.

As soon as the image was clear on the screen, her face dropped. She looked down at the wand and tried moving it around, but, she couldn't avoid what she saw.

"What is it?" Cuddy asked. The doctor didn't look scared or confused, just sorry.

"Well," Kline started and then turned to her. "I'm going to get a second opinion, and do some further testing, but it looks like it was just a partial molar pregnancy, and a few growths," she gently explained.

Cuddy just nodded. All that that meant to her at the moment was that there was a baby, but there wasn't anymore. She solemnly stared off towards the side. Her happiness hadn't lasted long, but she still missed it, and it hurt to have it yanked away from her like that. More than anything, she wanted to just curl up and cry, but not now, not until she was alone and sure that no one would see her.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o

House was on his way back up to his office from the cafeteria. After working a few hours in the clinic, it felt like there wasn't even a reason for him to be here. He was about to just go and grab his things and sneak out again.

As he stepped on the elevator though, a small voice stopped him. "Wait!"

He turned and saw Rachel running towards the elevator. He could have just decided to get on and let the doors close. That was what he truly wanted to do, to at least get a brief moment of solidarity before going back and facing everyone back in his office. But instead, he held the door for her. Even if things were bad between him and her mother, he still liked Rachel. He would always have a soft spot for her.

"What number you need kid?" he questioned as she got in.

"Four," she answered.

House sighed and pressed four for her. He only needed the third floor, but he decided to stay with her until she got off, just to make sure that she got there okay.

"Excuse me mister," she started.

House looked down to her. The young girl that used to call him Hows was now referring to him as mister. Not the greatest feeling in the world, but it wasn't her fault.

"Why do you have a cane?" she asked.

House was somewhat amused with the fact that she was truly interested. "Bad leg," he replied. Most people, even kids, he would have been sarcastic with, told them something stupid or told them to mind their own business.

Rachel nodded and then went back to staring forward for a second. "What are you here for?" she questioned.

"I work here," he answered.

"Oh," she said. "Where's your coat?" she asked.

This girl definitely had a lot of questions. He appreciated that. Curiosity was a good thing, that was what got him here to the job he was in today. "I'm one of those rebellious people," he responded. As soon as he saw her go to ask another question, he decided to just answer it before she even asked. "I don't follow the rules," he explained.

The elevator finally stopped and the doors opened allowing Rachel to get out and head to her mother's room. House just watched as she walked down the hall and sighed. He then pressed the number to his floor and waited.

The doors opened again, and he made his way to his office. He could see his team sitting in the office waiting for him. He already knew that they would be there. Even if they hadn't found out anything for him, they would be in there telling him to just stop what he's doing and move on. In a way, he wished he could. He wished that it was just as easy as everyone was making it out to be. They made it sound like it was just as simple as giving up wearing white socks and switching to black when in reality it was more like giving up his Vicodin. He wanted her, craved her, he needed her.

"Oh look, it's the lollipop guild, here to welcome me back to my office," he remarked as he entered into the room. "I thought we already went through this. My name is on the door by itself," he started as he went to sit down. "When all of your names are added then you can in here at any time you want," he stated.

"We found out a couple things," Foreman informed him.

House was interested now. "Go on," he said.

"The baby," he started. "It was a molar pregnancy which lead to a few growths. They're in the process of finding out whether or not they're cancerous."

House sat back and nodded. There was no baby, but now instead, she could have cancer. He had no idea how to feel about this. No baby, as bad as it was, made him just that much happier. She wasn't having that replacement's kid. But, then there was a chance that she could have cancer. "So, the numbness was caused by the irregular blood flow because of the weakened heart beat. The dehydration was from the excessive vomiting. Fatigue, aches," he started to trail off.

"It's only a small chance that it's cancerous," Thirteen added. She could see that he was ready to go off the deep end here.

"I know," House flatly responded. A small chance though, was still a chance. More of a chance than she had a couple months ago.

He was mad at Cuddy and bitter towards her, but he would still rather have her around to make him hate her and suffer every time he saw her than to completely lose her presence in his life.

O o o o o o

It was late in the night. Cuddy had no idea what time it really was, but in here, time lost it's meaning and importance.

Earlier, Matt had tried to tell her that they could have another baby, but she wasn't so sure of that. With past experience, she was certain that even the baby she had for a short period of time was just a fluke. There was no way that she was actually meant to have a baby of her own.

Another baby though was the least of her problems. Matt was avoiding the one very important thing that she could not get out of her head. Cancer. The tumors could be cancerous, and if they were, there was a chance of her dying.

After their brief talk, which mainly consisted of him trying to make her feel better while she drowned out his voice with the thoughts racing through her mind, she told him to take Rachel home. She could not handle having Rachel there anymore. The young girl was starting to pick up on how serious this could be. She never said anything, but she could see it in the looks that her daughter would give her, the questioning and fearing glances every time Cuddy spoke to Matt about taking Rachel out of the room.

O o o o o o o o

House sat on the floor in one of the janitor closets, a bottle in his hand and a scowl on his face. His head was back against the wall. There was nothing for him to do now but sit there and wait. Find out whether or not this woman was going to be able to still torture him on a daily basis.

At the moment, with the booze and fury, he had convinced himself that everything was her fault. His pain, his misery, and his loneliness. After all, she was the one who went against his orders when it came to his leg, and she was the one who told him that she would love him no matter what, and then she was the one who went back on her words and threw everything back at him. She screwed up his life and then played with his emotions, resulting in his heart break.

Anxiously, House grabbed at the wall and pulled himself up. He had to go talk to her. For the first time in a while, he was actually going to approach her and speak to her. Whether she liked it or not, she was going to hear what he had to say.

On his way to her room, he planned out the entire conversation perfectly. That was how well he knew her, he knew what her responses would be to what he was about to say. He was about to entirely control the next conversation.

"Well look at you!" he sneered, stumbling into the darkened room.

Cuddy just looked to him. She wasn't surprised, it was going to happen sooner or later. "What is it?" she impatiently asked, hoping to just get this over with.

House closed the door behind him and stood at the end of her bed. "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to come congratulate you on your new little parasite," he answered and then mocked sorrow. "Oh, that's right, you lost this one. Not in the usual miscarriage either. Guess your body decided to get creative with this one," he stated.

Cuddy looked down and sighed. "Great, you know," she responded. "Now please, just go," she nearly begged. There was no remorse in his eyes, and that told her exactly what he was feeling right now, and she couldn't handle it right now. She couldn't take being torn down to little pieces.

"Maybe you could manage to keep a kid once in a while if you weren't such a cold hearted bitch. Nature knows how to pick and chose and those capable of giving a damn," he suggested, looking her straight in the eyes. "You're a selfish, demanding, hypocritical, needy, neurotic, pathetic excuse for a human being, and yet you expect to be a decent mother. You better hope that that little girl you use to help give yourself some amount of self esteem and self respect in order to aid your denial actually sticks around. A smart girl like that'll probably run off when she's sixteen," he venomously stated.

Cuddy glared to him with disgust. "How dare you come in here telling me about how much of a failure I am. You go around everyday sulking about how things don't go your way. You drown yourself in painkillers and self pity and expect people to feel bad for you. Then, when people do try to help you, you sit there and do anything in your power to make sure that you stay miserable," she explained, trying to hide the fact that he had hurt her.

"And you're so much better. Going out and marrying a man that you barely even know, then flaunting it when ever you knew that I was close enough to hear about it. I went and married someone, but I was helping her at least. You just went out and grabbed some moron off the street. Probably chase him away too," he argued.

Cuddy's lip quivered, but she quickly bit it to try and cover it. Her vulnerability was fueling him, and he did not need any more help so far. "Get out," she demanded.

House smirked to her. "The only reason you have made it this far in life is that fact that you're a Jew. Jews take care of Jews and they decided to give you a hospital. The only appealing thing about you, that and your body, but even that gets old after a while," he said as he made his way to the door and left.

Cuddy began to cry as she watched him limp away, stopping every few seconds to re-steady himself. After he was out of sight, she laid back down and stared up to the ceiling. Her hand laid over her belly, over what she thought was going to be a baby for her.

**First off, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Please review, let me know what you like or don't like about it, things I can fix. **

**Second, one of my friends wants me to start watching House again. I haven't watched it since Cuddy left, and she wants me to watch the finale with her. I am definitely going to watch the last one, even though I'm pretty sure that it will disappoint me, but what I want to know is, for those who have been watching it still, is it any good? Should I just watch the last couple before the finale to catch up or should I go back and watch the entire season? **


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Results

Matt walked into the room the next morning. "Hey," he greeted, trying to be cheerful. "I dropped Rachel off at her friend's house, Lillian's," he explained.

Cuddy distantly stared with glossy eyes. "Good," she flatly responded. The words from last night still played through her head, they still stung. There were times that she had seen him mad before, and there were times where the anger had been directed at her, but never had he gone so low to say what he did. Within a matter of minutes, he belittled everything about her.

Matt went and sat down next to her. "You know, we can try again to have another baby," he offered in an attempt to finally get her to talk to him.

"Right," Cuddy sharply replied. Matt thought he was helping her, but really he was just irritating her. Yes, there was a good chance that she was just fine and that there is no cancer, but he hadn't even mentioned it yet. He was trying to ignore it as if not bringing up would make it disappear. He was being unrealistic and avoiding the actual problem here. Besides that, this whole thing, the fact that she even conceived anything was just a fluke.

Matt sat back. His wife wouldn't even look at him. The fact that she was slowly pushing him away was irritating, and even worse, it felt like there was nothing he could do about it but just watch. Watch and wait.

"I think I'm just going to get the hysterectomy," Cuddy informed him. Her head slightly turned to him.

Matt was taken by surprise. "Really?" he questioned, not sure how to react. He did want to at least try to have another baby. This wasn't something that he was about to argue with her though.

Cuddy nodded. "Yeah," she sighed. "I should get the results tomorrow, and no matter what the outcome, I'll have the hysterectomy," she explained.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o

House woke up and lightly moaned from the pounding headache. Carefully, he forced himself up and looked around the room.

"Morning," Wilson greeted.

House sat up and waited for his eyes to adjust to the light. Last night was pretty much a blur to him.

Wilson looked over to him and then decided to join him. "You came here last night and had me pay the cab driver while you passed out on the couch," he explained, knowing that he had no idea how he got there.

"What time was that?" he implored, resting his head in his hands.

"Around two in the morning," Wilson replied.

House sat there, trying to remember what he did, even get some sort of vague idea. It was bothering him for some reason. "Did I by any chance mention anything to you?" he inquired.

Wilson thought for a minute before he answered him. "You did mention something about Cuddy. Finally telling her," he informed him.

It was a vague answer, but it was something. That was when House's head popped up though. "Oh God," he said. He couldn't remember exactly what he said, but he knew that it had to be bad.

"What?" Wilson implored, knowing that this was about to be bad.

House sighed and sat back. "I don't know. From what I remember, I mentioned the baby," he explained. Deep down, he knew that it was all bad. He still resented her, and alcohol only made that worse. The first time that he was able to bring himself to talk to her, and he goes and pulls something stupid. Now, he felt guilty.

He had to talk to her now, but he didn't know how. "Are her results in?" he asked.

Wilson looked up to him with confusion. "I don't think so," he answered, not completely sure.

House nodded. He then picked his head up and looked to Wilson, his eyes begging him. "I want to be the one to tell her," he requested.

Wilson sighed. That wasn't his job, there was Cuddy's doctor or Matt, but House was not on that list. Still, this was his friend, and he needed it. "All right," Wilson replied. "I'll go talk to one of the doctors down there, one that knows I'm friends with Cuddy and tell them I'll give the results to her. I can hand it over to you instead," he explained, thinking it through out loud.

"Good," House said and then stood up and grabbed his cane. "Just let me know when you get them," he instructed before he left.

Wilson just nodded. He could get in some trouble for this, but it felt right. He knew that House would not just go into her room to just say sorry, he needed an excuse.

O o o o o o o o

House and Chase sat in the conference room. "Maybe we should go down and check the ER again," Chase suggested. The two had been sitting there for a while. Foreman and Taub were down in the clinic while Thirteen was off trying to find out more about Cuddy's case.

"I already told you, I'm not leaving this room," House reminded him. The last thing he wanted to do was have either Thirteen or Wilson come back here and he wasn't there. He wanted to find out more about what was going on and get the news to Cuddy as fast as possible.

"Do you mind if I go then?" Chase asked. He saw no reason for him to even be there.

"I never told you to stay," House responded, staring straight ahead to the whiteboard. At the moment, he didn't care who was there with him. All that mattered was getting to that room up on the fourth floor.

"I'll be back in a little bit," Chase informed him as he stood up and then left.

House just nodded. Again, he didn't care. Just as long as he got the results.

"Waiting for this?" Wilson asked. He stood in the doorway holding a folder.

House looked up to him. "Thanks," he said as he got up and went to grab them.

"Just don't screw this up," Wilson warned before he left.

House stood there and stared down at the folder for a moment. He should look, prepare himself for what he was about to tell her. Giving patients news was not one of his high points, he would usually send someone on his team to go tell them. This was someone he cared about though. Carefully, he opened the folder and scanned through the page. "Okay," he told himself and then started towards the elevator.

O o o o o o o o o

Matt left Cuddy to go get Rachel. She really didn't want Rachel there until after she found out what was going on, but she did need Matt there. She was just going to have to answer the little girl's questions right away.

"Someone waiting on these?" House asked upon strolling into the room.

Cuddy's muscles began to tense up. He was the last person that she wanted to see right now. After last night, she wasn't so sure that she could be able to talk to him. "Get out of here," she immediately hissed.

House knew that was coming, and just ignored it. "After, you find out about your future," he responded.

Cuddy just watched him as he casually limped over to the bed and set his cane on the rail. "How did you get those?" she angrily questioned.

"I stole it," House casually answered, as he opened the file and pulled out the sheet of paper.

Cuddy was growing more and more frustrated by the moment, but right now she had to hear her results. She could yell at him afterwords. "Fine," she said in defeat. "What do I have?"

House stared down at the paper, occasionally glancing up at her over the page. With each second that passed, she looked more and more terrified. Once she looked like she wanted to cry, he figured that he had taken this a bit too far. "Relax. You're fine," he told her before handing the paper over to her.

Cuddy anxiously took the paper and looked it over. For some reason, she didn't believe him. Once she saw that he was telling the truth though, she laid her head back against the pillow and let out a sigh of relief. "Now you leave," she informed him, handing the paper back.

"And you could have been a less demanding girlfriend," he responded.

Cuddy just stared to him. Demanding. If she recalled right, that was one of the many words that he had used last to describe her. One of the better words. The only difference was that he was drunk then. Now though, he was sober, and hinting at some of the same things. "You really meant what you said last night didn't you?" she asked.

House looked to her with suspicion. Obviously, he had called her a demanding girlfriend. That couldn't be all though. This was one of those rare times where he had nothing to say. He was afraid. If he said yes, he had no idea what he was saying yes to. At the same time, he didn't want to say no and have her catch him lying and get even more upset with him. This was the one person in his life that was worth giving a damn about, and he wasn't about to make things worse.

After the long silence, Cuddy caught on."You came and talked to me last night," she explained. It bothered her that he didn't even remember. He tore her apart, and maybe even scarred her a little with words that were engraved into her mind, and he didn't even remember. "You called me demanding, needy, a bitch, and a hypocrite," she said, leaving out the worst parts. Those things that she listed, she was used to hearing them from him. They really didn't mean anything to her.

House was surprised. "I must not have been as mad as I thought," he replied and then studied her expression. "Or you're holding back," he suggested.

She was not about to go over what happened last night and re-live it. "All that matters is that you came in here wanting to hurt me, and you did. Congratulations House, you hurt me. You accomplished your goal," she sorely stated, tears settling on the rims of her eyes.

"My goal last night was to get drunk enough to forget about you," he corrected her.

Cuddy laughed in spite of him. "You know what? I'm tired of this. It's been three years House. Three years and you are still sulking around like a little kid. I needed you, and you weren't there. You're right, I did say that I didn't want you to change and then I broke up with you over something that you didn't change. But you have to admit, it was over something big. It wasn't you disobeying me at work or lying to me, it was leaving me," she said.

"I did come," he argued. "It just wasn't good enough for you. I tried and you still didn't like it."

Cuddy shook her head in defeat. "It's over now. Haven't you ever had anyone brake up with you before?" she asked.

"Yes," he casually responded.

"Then what was so hard about it this time?" she implored.

"It was you instead of some other girl," he quickly answered before leaving.

_She sits alone again and tries her best  
Not to pretend that all she use to live for was a love that was unfair  
Every time she needs to do the things that she believes will fill the void inside of her cause he was never there  
She said I swear I'm not the devil although you think i am  
I swear I'm not the devil  
He tries to sleep again  
And he wonders when the pain will end  
The cuts, they may run deeper than his cracking outer shell  
He looks with tired eyes  
At all the people hypnotized  
And wonders what can save him  
From his self created hell.  
And he said I swear I'm not the devil although you think I am  
I swear I'm not the devil  
I always fail to see the little things in front of me  
The things that mean so much to you  
A way to let you know  
That I appreciate the way you always tolerate  
But sometimes when I medicate  
Frustration in you shows me how you feel  
But i swear I'm not the devil although you think I am  
I swear I'm not the devil_

_~ Devil by Staind_

**Let me know what you think about it. I felt a little iffy on this chapter, I even had a few other people look it over for me. I feel like everyone is a little OOC at some points, and I apologize about that, but I didn't quite know how to fix it. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Damaged (part 1)

"Are you positively sure this is what you want to have done?" Matt asked, pacing the floor before Cuddy's bed.

Cuddy followed him with her eyes. "Yes," she answered. She wanted to just go ahead and get the hysterectomy done. Get everything over with. Stop even trying and ending up hurt.

Matt stopped and looked to her with sympathy. "I thought you wanted another baby," he stated. He knew that she did, but he also knew that he wanted one.

Cuddy softly laughed and shook her head in disbelief. "I do, but take a second and think about what you're saying. How much longer do you really think I had anyways? With my history of having a hard getting pregnant let alone actually keeping a baby full term, it wasn't going to happen anyways," she explained.

"You don't know that. It already almost happened once," he argued.

"Almost?" Cuddy questioned. "I had a baby that died because everything else was just tissue. Dead tissue," she informed him. "That's not almost. It's not even close," she argued.

Matt sat down and considered what she said. Carefully, he looked up to her. "So that's it?" he implored.

Cuddy bit her lip as she sadly nodded. "I'm tired of trying. I can't take it anymore, getting my hopes up and then failing. I don't want to anymore," she replied.

Matt sighed. "All right," he responded in defeat. "I'll be here tomorrow before the surgery," he stated and then left.

Cuddy just watched him leave. "Bye," she softly responded as he closed the door behind him.

Now, by herself, she started to second think her choice. He had made it sound like he was being more affected by this operation than she was. Was it really that selfish of her to not want to repeat the same cycle of pain and disappointment?

This whole experience had opened her eyes. No matter what, she was never going to have a baby. There was always going to be something wrong. Always. Why should she continue to fight a losing battle? She had Rachel, and that was more than enough to make her happy. Why couldn't Matt be like that?

O o o o o o

House sat in Wilson's apartment. He wasn't home yet, but he did have something that he wanted to run past him. An idea that he wasn't quite sure about. Normally, he was pretty confident, but this was a fragile matter.

"Stop coming in here uninvited," Wilson stated as he walked in. He could tell right away that House was there from the fact that his door was unlocked.

"Why?" House asked. "You don't seem to have much of a life lately. It's not like you would be the one to come home with a girl," he explained.

Wilson sighed and put his coat away. "All right, what do you want?" he implored. House was going through a rough time, and he figured that he might as well just let it go for now.

House looked up to him. "I want to send her flowers," he stated.

Wilson blankly stared at him for a second. "And you needed me to steal them for you?" he asked, not sure that this simple statement was all there was to it. There had to be something more, this was House after all.

"When we were in college, there was one time that I accidentally left her after a one night stand," he started to explain.

"How do you accidentally leave someone?" Wilson questioned.

House sighed. "I had forgotten that I even slept with her, I was hungover and had an exam in fifteen minutes," he answered. "But that's not important. What is though is the fact that after she showed up at my place while I was with someone else, crying, that I went out and got her pink carnations," he explained.

Perplexed, Wilson sat down and took a moment to think about what he had just heard. "You want to send her pink carnations because that's what you sent her to get her to stop crying over a one night stand and stop ruining your other dates?" he asked, making sure that he got the story right.

"Be patient, I'm not thoughtful too often," House replied.

Wilson sat back. "Why don't you try going back to the time while you two were dating rather than a one night stand you had with her," he suggested.

House sat there and thought. He had to do something to show her that he was sorry. Something significant.

Thinking as hard as he could, he tried to figure out what he could have said to her while he was drunk. He was upset about the fact that she broke up with him, that she was married and that she had been pregnant. "She still talks to you," House mentioned and then looked up to him with pleading eyes. "Ask her what I said," he requested. He knew that she probably wouldn't tell him everything, but just even a small hint would help.

Wilson stood back up. "Okay," he agreed. There was no use in arguing now. If he didn't do it for him, House could wind up doing something stupid to find out and make things worse. "I'll go now, that way there's less of a chance of Matt being there," he said as he put his coat back on.

O o o o o o o

Wilson got to the fourth floor and looked down the hall to Cuddy's room. Looking through the gaps in the blinds, he tried to see whether or not she was alone before he got there. Once he got to the door though, he could see that she was, and was grateful. That made things just that much easier. "Hey," he greeted.

Cuddy looked up and softly smiled. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

Wilson stepped in further into the room and looked to her with pity. "I heard about what happened between you and House. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," he explained.

Cuddy's smile fell. "Oh," she responded. "I'm fine," she told him.

Wilson noted her reaction. "Are you sure?" he questioned.

Cuddy sighed. She knew that Wilson did care, and that he was just looking out for her, but truth be told, this was not what she wanted to focus on anymore. She had enough to worry about with Matt being upset with her over her decision. "It's nothing I haven't heard from him before," she flatly assured him.

"Right," Wilson breathed out. This was going to be harder than he thought. Looking down to the ground, he tried to think. Why not just go for it? He raised his head back up and looked to her with concern. "What did he say to you?" he implored.

Cuddy's mouth hung open as her glossy eyes looked to him. "Fine," she gave in. "He basically told me that I suck as a human being. I suck as a mother, I suck as a wife, and I suck as a doctor. Rachel and Matt are going to end up leaving me if they're smart enough," she coldly answered.

Wilson's heart fell. He thought back to the time when House had told her that it was a good thing that she had failed to become a mother, how she was crying in her office. House was one of the only people that could get under her skin and honestly hurt her. She trusted him more than most people and in turn, took his words to heart at times. When they were joking around, or just exchanging insults everything was fine, but when he was angry and wasn't playing around, she was quick to believe him.

"You know that he's wrong right? He was just drunk and hurt," he tried to explain.

Cuddy looked to him with a certain pain present in her eyes. "Why do you think people get other people drunk when they want to hear the truth?" she asked.

"Alcohol is a mood enhancer. He was angry before he started drinking. You've said it yourself, he knows exactly how to hurt people when he wants to," Wilson argued, hoping that she would at least consider what he was saying.

"Nobody is that good when they're drunk. I've heard drunk people fight before, and the most they seem to manage to accomplish is that they both want the other person to fuck themselves," she argued. She really did believe that. It was no secret to her that he had hated her after she broke up with him. The wedding was enough to show her how mad he was. What scared her was that most of the time, he was right. More than most of the time. Now, she was sitting here having second thoughts about everything she had. Her marriage, her daughter, her job. He had the ability to do that to her and he knew it.

Wilson sat down and watched her. There was nothing that he could say now. She was never going to believe him. "Maybe," he started to attempt to re-argue his point on what alcohol does. Cuddy stopped him though.

"Please, don't try anymore," she nearly begged. "I know you care, and I appreciate it, but this isn't your's to fix," she explained.

Wilson stood up and walked over to the bed. "If there is anything I can do, let me know," he offered.

"Thank you," she replied.

Wilson nodded and left the room. Her last words to him were playing through his head. "This isn't your's to fix." She knew what he was doing, trying to make things right again between the two.

O o o o o o

"What did she tell you?" House questioned as Wilson entered back into his apartment.

"Well," he said, closing the door behind him. "You told her that she sucked as a mother and that Rachel would leave if she was smart enough. She sucks as a wife and that Matt was going to leave her as soon as he got smart enough and that she sucks as a doctor," he answered.

House leaned forward and looked down to his hands. It was possible that it was a good thing that he didn't remember what he had said. "All right," he said and then got up and left.

Wilson was about to ask what he was going to do, but he knew that he wouldn't actually get an answer.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Damaged (part 2)

Cuddy laid there in bed. In only a few minutes, they would be taking her down to get ready for her surgery.

Matt did as he said he would, he came back to see her. Right now, he sat silently at her bedside. Him being there in silence though, bothered her more than him not even showing up.

He wasn't there because he wanted to be with her, he was just there to show her how he felt about what she was doing.

"You don't have to be here," she told him.

Matt looked up to her, as if he were coming out of some deep thought or daydream. "Of course I do," he insisted. He offered her a smile.

Cuddy forced herself to return the smile. It was fake, just like his presence was today. But, even though she was mad at him, even though he was the one that should be apologizing to her, she wanted to make sure that they would be all right when she got out of surgery. "I'm sorry," she uttered.

This caught Matt's attention. With widened eyes he looked to her. There was no question as to what she was apologizing for, but it caught him off guard. "You don't have to go through with it," he responded.

"Yes I do," she informed him.

Matt just nodded and looked away from her.

Cuddy could see it, how upset he was with her right now. It hit her, House was right. She was chasing him away. One selfish choice that she was making, was chasing him away from her. He would still be there when she came out of surgery, and he would be the one to take her home, but there was no doubt in her mind that as soon as they got home, they would grow more and more distant from each other. She would try to prevent it, and she would most likely fail.

"I love you," she announced. The feelings right now were not important. It was the overall picture that she wanted to get across to him. Anything could happen, and she would still love him, and she was hoping that he would feel the same.

Matt looked up to her. There was already a hesitance that bothered her. "I love you too," he flatly replied.

Cuddy just stared at him as he turned back away. His actions spoke to her louder than his words did. She had to let him know that this wasn't as selfish as he was making it out to be. "This isn't just for me you know," she stated. Once he looked to her with some small amount of interest, she continued. "Each time I would get hurt, I would just be pulling you down with me. I'm saving us both a lot of trouble and you know it."

He didn't believe her. The stern look in his eyes, there was no way that he did. "If you say so," he responded and then grabbed her hand. He tried to be comforting, but there was still a coldness to him. "Everything's going to be all right," he assured her.

Cuddy just squeezed his hand. She would be lying to him if she said she believed him. She would be okay through the surgery and she would heal, but things between them weren't so certain.

O o o o o o o

House made his way down the hall to go talk to Cuddy. He had to talk to her before the surgery. His plans were for afterwords, to prove himself wrong about everything. To compare Rachel's childhood to his to show her that she is doing a good job. To point out the fact that her marriage is working if the three of them are happy. To show her that she didn't suck as a human, that if she did, he wouldn't have been as hurt by what she did to him.

As soon as her room was in sight though, he froze. Matt was in there with her. The man that he would tend to try and forget about. Her husband.

He could see him in there with her, holding her hand and talking to her. She had her head facing away from him, most likely talking to Matt.

It was that very scene that hit him. No matter what he did, she would never be his. Never. It was hard to get through his head, but now, it stuck. Now, he knew exactly what he needed to do. And without wasting any time, he turned around and left.

O o o o o o o

The doctors came in to get Cuddy. Not even caring much anymore, she let her hand go limp in his. Once he finally let go, she locked her eyes on his. "I need you," she softly begged for him to stay.

Matt smiled to her. No words though, and that made her doubt him.

Cuddy just looked down and allowed the doctors to take her out of the room. Now she had to get used to the fact that he wouldn't be there and it was her fault.

O o o o o o o

House sat in his office. To ensure that he would be alone for the rest of the day, he had told his team that they had the day off, to just go home.

There were two envelopes before him. One was sealed shut with a letter inside while the other was still open. The piece of paper before him only had two words so far. Dear Lisa. That was all he could commit to at the moment. He had to think of which insult to address first. The husband was the hardest one for him to write about, but the part about her being a bad mother most likely hit her worse. The over all sucking as a person would have to be last no matter what though.

He wasn't used to doing things like this, but he had to. He had to get his feelings down on the paper before him, because sure as hell, if he went to just talk to her, he would back out before he actually said anything. Besides, this was a better fit to the other letter. He couldn't go and talk to her and then just hand her the other letter.

"It's not that hard," he told himself as he started to set the pen down on the paper.

_Dear Lisa, _

_You don't suck as a wife. _

He picked up the pen and stared at the writing. It was to the point. Good.

_You don't suck as a wife. You couldn't. I wanted you as one, and I am pretty hard to please. For Matt's sake, I hope he doesn't make the same mistake that I did, it sucked to lose you to a pill. _

It wasn't the best, but it was his. There would be no doubt in that as she read it.

_Also, you don't suck as a mom. Just look at what you went through to get Rachel. If you truly sucked as a mom, you wouldn't have gone through all of that. Besides, the kid wouldn't be so attached to you if you sucked. She's smarter than you think. Oh yeah, I should tell you, remember when you were trying to get her into that snobby preschool? She lied. I went in there and took a look at all the games to make sure that she was familiar with all of them before she went. She had played that feed the monkey game, but she was smart enough to know to lie. She'll get far in life. Anyways, she likes you, and as long as you're okay with her, you must be pretty good. _

It wasn't the best, but it was enough. He felt that he got his point across. Besides, the last thing he wanted was to get too mushy or anything. It wasn't him, and she wouldn't believe it.

_Now, finally, the part about you sucking as a human being. You don't. Yeah, I might still believe that you are a bureaucratic nightmare, a chronic pain in the ass, and a second rate doctor at best. That doesn't qualify for completely sucking though, at least, I don't think so. And we all know that I'm always right. _

_You want to know why I had such a hard time dealing with the break up though? And why I had such a hard time being there when you needed me? Because you don't suck. Losing you sucks. The idea of losing you sucks. It sucks so bad that it's taking me over three years to get over it. Now would it take anyone that long to get over someone who sucks as a human being? Who sucks as a wife?Or even someone who sucks as a mother? No. _

Good. He reread the letter over and then folded it up and put it in the second envelope. The second one, he wrote a one on it, and then a two on the other, signifying the order in which they should be read.

Part one was done. He stood up and quickly examined his office. Now onto part two, the hardest part. Something that he figured he should have done a long time ago.

O o o o o o o o

Cuddy woke up to a doctor standing over her. "Do you hear me?" the voice asked.

Her eyes fluttered open. "Yeah," she weakly answered.

"Good, the surgery was successful. I'll be back in about an hour with some medication. That should be when you start feeling some pain," he explained.

He went on to start talking to her, but she blocked out his voice and started looking around the room. No Matt. He wasn't there. Maybe he was just gone for a minute? Hopefully, but not likely.

As soon as she heard the man stop talking, she just nodded, pretending that she had been listening to him. When he finally left, she started looking around the room again and then down the hall. No Matt. He really didn't stay.

Then, she looked down and saw her one hand resting on her abdomen. Never again, could she even try to have a baby. Never. Tears started to leak out the corners of her eyes. For the first time in her life, she felt truly empty, and truly alone. Turning her head towards the window, she allowed herself to cry.

O o o o o o

House stood in the doorway of his office and looked around before he put his coat on. With his backpack over his shoulder and letters in his free hand, he left turned out the light before he left the room and headed towards the elevator.

On his way up to her room, he mentally prepared himself to see Matt sitting there with Cuddy. It was almost a guaranteed bet. It didn't matter though. All he had to do was hand her the letters and then leave. No sticking around to hear what she had to say. It was that simple.

Making his way down the hall towards her for the second time that day, he stopped and tried to see if he could see Matt in there. Through the blinds, he saw Cuddy laying there in bed, most likely sleeping and decided that this was the best time to do this. Smiling to himself, he continued to her room and carefully opened the door.

"Matt?" she asked, lifting her head to look over.

House froze for a second before making his way to her bedside. "No," he quickly answered. He could see that she had been crying and felt bad, but he couldn't stick around. Matt might come back. "Read one first and two second," he explained and then turned to leave.

"Matt never came after the surgery," she admitted, wiping her eyes.

House stopped and turned back to her. He had so many things he wanted to say to her. So many comments about how he at least showed up, how a drugged up boyfriend is better than an absent husband, but he couldn't. "I'm sorry," he said.

Cuddy looked to him with surprise. Right after she had told him about Matt, she was bracing herself for whatever House was about to say. She didn't have to though. "So am I," she simply responded.

House stood there and watched her. "Well, if you need anything, you'd better tell me now before I leave," he told her.

Cuddy wanted to tell him to stay with her. That she didn't want to be alone right now, but she couldn't. That wasn't his job anymore. "I'm fine," she lied.

"Good bye," he said and then turned and left.

Cuddy watched him leave before she started investigating the letters. She picked up the first one and gingerly opened it. Upon unfolding the letter, she smiled. The first line was enough to cheer her up a little. It was a lie, but it was enough. She went onto read the entire thing.

When she got to the part about Rachel, it opened her eyes a little. She didn't know that he had cared enough to cheat to get her into the school. It was wrong, but it meant something to her. It also made her start to wonder what other things he had done for her that she didn't know about.

Then, she laughed at his second rate doctor thing and how he's always right. That was definitely House.

But the last paragraph hit her. He hated losing her. It wasn't news to her, it was just never expressed to him in such a way. As much as the letter cheered her up, it made her feel guilty. There were a lot of things that he could have been doing for her that she didn't notice. "He really did try harder than I gave him credit for," she admitted to herself.

She put that letter back and then reached over and opened the second one.

_I don't know how to write these things, because I've never had to. At least, not that I can remember. I am resigning. Ignore what I said to you the other night. You still make me feel funny in the pants. I can't keep taking my anger out on you. You have moved on and I have to do the same. By the time you read this, I will have already cleaned out my office and left the building, not to return. Don't even bother sending me my last paycheck. I don't need it, and I plan to have a different address very soon anyways. _

Cuddy's mouth hung open. She couldn't believe it. "No," she softly gasped. "I don't want you to leave," she softly stated to herself. Now, she really wished that she would have begged for him to stay with her. Even just for a little while.

**Okay, so this is the chapter that Dani and I had a bit of a hard time fixing up, but here it is. I would say that I hope you enjoyed this chapter, but I also feel like this chapter may upset a few people with how it ended. But anyways, a special thanks to Dani, my little sister, who helped me fix this chapter up, because in my notebook, it wasn't so great. She was also the one who wrote the second letter. **


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Alone

The sun was just starting to rise. House took one last look through the apartment, just to make sure that he hadn't forgotten anything. Once he was done, he put his coat on, and grabbed his cane and walked out the door for the final time. Outside, Wilson stood by his car. There was one last load of boxes to be taken down to his new apartment.

"That's it!" House announced as he made his way over to his motorcycle.

Wilson nodded. He had agreed to help him move out, make the process quicker. With a traveling time of two hours, he was tired of driving, but it didn't bother him too much. Besides, this way, he knew where House was running away to.

He truly was mixed on the idea of House leaving. This was his way of moving on from Cuddy, giving up something that he couldn't have. On the other hand though, he wasn't really facing his problem, he was just leaving it. That, and the fact that he didn't really want him to leave.

As soon as House drove past him on his motorcycle, Wilson walked around and got into his car and started it up and followed him down the road.

House just stared forward. He and Wilson seemed to be the only people out on the road as they drove down the highway. Once again, he was alone with his thoughts.

The last twelve hours of his life had been spent letting people know that he never wanted to see them again. For his team, he wrote a message on the white board. I QUIT, ASK CUDDY FOR NEW JOBS. He was sure though, that no matter how clear the message was, in a few hours one of them would call him and ask him what was going on.

The hard one to leave was Cuddy. The last time he saw her, the image of her weak, tired, and crying, was the one that stuck in his head. The way that she admitted to him that Matt never came. It was obvious to him that she wanted him to stay, why else mention that no one else was coming? He couldn't though. It was too hard for him. He just couldn't sit there and pretend that nothing ever happened between them, pretend that she never broke his heart the way that she did. It was all becoming too much, and the fact that she had allowed herself to almost ask for him to stay with her, was enough proof to him that he needed to get out of there. Matt, his replacement, was her way of showing him that she didn't need him anymore, so there was no way that he could agree to be the temporary stand in for his own replacement.

O o o o o o o

"Good morning."

Cuddy knew the voice instantly without even looking. The man who had left her last night. "Hey," she flatly replied as she sat up. She was mad at him, and she wasn't about to let it go.

Matt was slightly taken aback by her response. "Something wrong?" he quickly asked.

"You left me here last night. Alone," she curtly answered.

"I thought you would be sleeping. I didn't want to disturb you," he explained.

Cuddy kept her eyes on him as he went and sat down in the chair closest to her. Right at her beside where he should have been last night. His excuse was barely enough to keep her from screaming at him. Even though she didn't fully believe him, there was at least some thought put into it. Maybe some truth mixed in with the lie, such as, he wanted to allow her to rest last night and save the argument for today when she was feeling better. They weren't going at it now, but she knew that there was going to be some sort of fight within the time that he was here. "Right," she breathed out, allowing herself to feel a little less tense around him.

Matt had no response. Before he came in he knew that she would be upset with him. Truth was, he couldn't face her last night. He felt like she had just gone behind his back. This was an elective surgery that she went and had performed with out even considering his feelings.

It was time to move on and talk about something else though. Small talk perhaps. "Rachel got to school all right this morning," he told her.

"You can bring her in after school to see me if you want," Cuddy mentioned.

Matt just nodded and remained quiet. Both of them were hesitant to speak. The tension in between them was nearly tangible, and neither one wanted to be the one to start the inevitable fight.

Someone had to talk though. Sooner or later, they would have to get their feelings out, and Cuddy finally decided that she wanted this over with before she got home. That way there was no way that it would be done in front of Rachel. "I get it," she started out as calmly as she could. "You're mad at me."

Matt's head quickly jolted up. He didn't expect her to say anything that easily. "Yes," he admitted. That was all he was going to leave it at.

"I see," Cuddy replied. Breaking the eye contact, she looked down and started fidgeting with her hands. Her wedding ring caught her attention and she started to twist it around on her finger. "You're mad because I went ahead and eliminated something that caused me only suffering and offered no joy. You're mad because you wanted a baby and I couldn't give you one," she venomously stated and then looked up to him.

Matt sighed. He gave up attempting to keep from fighting. She obviously wanted to show him exactly how she felt. What confused him though was that even though she got what she wanted, she was mad at him. "Don't you think that this was a decision that we should have made together?" he implored.

Cuddy slightly laughed. "We did talk about it, remember? I knew that you wanted a baby, but there is something that you don't seem to understand. I can't have one. The only difference between now and three weeks ago is that I had all the right organs for it," she explained. It was frustrating to her to have to constantly bring that up to him.

Matt ran his fingers through his hair. "Listen, I don't know what the hell you're so upset about. You got what you wanted. You got your surgery," he said.

Cuddy just looked to him with betrayal and disgust. "I got what I wanted?" she questioned.

"You were the one that wanted the surgery done," he explained.

Now, she was hurt. "Last week, I was excited because I thought that I was finally going to be able to have a baby of my own. Give Rachel a little brother or sister. Then, that's all taken away when I find out that the baby isn't even a baby anymore, it was just tissue. After failed attempts of trying to get pregnant and two miscarriages, I thought I might finally get what I wanted, but instead I got a uterus full of growths," she steadily told him with glossy eyes. "I didn't want the hysterectomy done Matt, I was just sick and tired of going through the same damn thing every time."

"I'm sorry," Matt replied. He was still hurt by what she had done, but he wasn't about to let her know.

Cuddy could see that he still wasn't fully getting her side of the story. "I'm pretty tired, you think you can come back later?" she requested.

"Sure," he said. He stood up and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and then left.

Cuddy just sat there and watched him leave. For one of the first times during their marriage, she was happy to see him go. She hated that she felt that way, but she couldn't handle his pouting anymore. He wasn't the only one that was hurt here, and he didn't understand that.

O o o o o o o o o o

House and Wilson stood in the living room area of his new apartment. There were boxes in piles, scattered around the place with sheets placed over the furniture.

"I meant to ask you earlier," Wilson started as he inspected the place. "How did you get this place so fast? I thought you just decided to do all of this last night," he implored.

House sighed as he made his way over to the couch and sat down. "Someone I knew owed me a favor, so I had them hold onto this place for me," he casually explained. What he didn't tell him was that he had this place reserved for him right after Cuddy got engaged. This was his place to go to if things got too rough for him.

Wilson just nodded. "Well, I better get back home. I have a few patients that I have to see later on today," he informed him and then yawned. "That and I have to make up for the sleep that I wasn't able to get last night," he added.

"See ya," House called out to him from the couch as Wilson headed towards the door.

Wilson stopped for a brief moment. He had been wanting to ask him something else. Why? Why now? Turning back, he looked to him. That was when he realized that he wouldn't ever get a truthful answer out of him. House raised his brow to him, urging him to go ahead and say what he wanted to say, but Wilson slightly raised his hands in defeat and shook his head. "Bye House," he said and then left.

House sat there and looked around the place. It was new. It was nice. It was affordable and near a couple of places that he could get a good job. This was the way that most people wanted to live. There was one problem with it. He was alone. All alone to start over.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Regrets

House had most of his place put together. This was not where he had pictured himself living. He was not what most people defined as happy.

Right now, his current job was working in a free clinic. It bored him and he hated his boss. It was a job though, and it was away from Cuddy. That fit all of his requirements.

Coming back home, in a daze, he tossed his coat onto the chair and sat down on the couch. This was what his life was coming to. A miserable, endless, droll. Everyday was the same thing and there was nothing to look forward to the next day. Nothing to keep him occupied while passing the time.

The only new thing in his life was that he had field for a divorce with Dominika. She had her green card, she didn't need him anymore anyways. That was how he had figured it.

Yesterday he had talked to Wilson, the only person that he had been in contact with over the last week that he had been here. He knew that Foreman was now head of his team and that Cuddy was back home and doing fine.

Fine, he thought to himself. It was a weird word to use. It was a word people often used when things weren't fine. Like that night that he went to see her and Matt hadn't shown up. She said that she was fine then. But was she?

It didn't really matter. There was nothing that he could ever do about it. He was here living his nearly meaningless life and she was there living her's.

Flipping through the channels, he sighed. Nothing on, like usual. How could this have all back fired on him like this?

O o o o o o o o

Cuddy and Rachel sat on the couch together. They were talking about Rachel's day at school as Matt sat in the kitchen. Lately, he and Cuddy had not been talking all that much.

"Then, then Lily and I went over to the playground. And then we played tag and I was it first," Rachel explained.

Cuddy laughed. "I take it you had a good day?" she asked.

"Yes!" Rachel answered.

Matt walked into the room and silently sat down on the chair. He didn't even recognize the fact that Cuddy and Rachel were in there. Instead, he just turned on the tv and started flipping through, looking for something to watch.

Cuddy's smile quickly faded with his presence. "Um, Rachel, honey, why don't you go upstairs and start getting ready for bed?" she questioned, wanting to get her out of the room to talk to him alone.

Rachel could tell that something was wrong and just stared at her for a minute. "Okay," she obliged and then went upstairs.

Cuddy sighed and waited until the little girl was gone. "All right. What's it going to take to get you to stop pouting?" she implored.

Matt just shrugged. He didn't even look at her, which made her even more mad.

"Are you seriously this selfish?" Cuddy questioned.

Matt slowly turned and looked to her. She got him with that question. "Me?" he asked.

"Yes!" Cuddy sternly answered. "Ever since you left me at the hospital, you have been distancing yourself from me! Ignoring me and even worse, you're starting to take it out on Rachel," she explained.

Matt just watched her. She was taking something that hurt him and turning it around to make him look bad. "How about you go call your boyfriend and cry to him about it?" he angrily questioned and then stood up and left the room.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Cuddy asked as she got up and followed him to the kitchen.

"Don't think I didn't see that letter you brought home with you," he informed her as he went over to the fridge.

Cuddy stopped at the doorway and stood there, in pure disbelief of what was coming out of his mouth. "That is what you're about to start an argument over? A simple letter apologizing to me over something that he said? Are you sure that this isn't some stupid way of justifying to yourself your anger over my operation?" she implored. If he really thought that she was cheating on him, then they had bigger issues to work out than she thought.

Matt closed the door and straightened up. "Why not? You stop caring about what I have to say on a huge topic. You were upset about him quitting. Then you go ahead and save his notes to you like some young girl with a playground crush. How am I supposed to take that?" he inquired as steadily as he could.

Cuddy stood there, appalled that he had the nerve to even be bringing any of this up. "I get an operation that you don't want me to have and you automatically jump to the conclusion that I'm out having an affair?" she questioned. Suddenly, her expression softened. It hit her. Why would that be the first thing that he would think of?

Without another word, Cuddy turned around and headed up the stairs to Rachel's room. She could hear Matt following her, so she had to talk to Rachel as soon as possible.

"Lisa?" he called out, trying to stop her. "What is it?" he asked.

"Rachel?" Cuddy called out, getting to her door. "Can I talk to you a minute?" she requested.

Rachel opened the door. "Yes mommy?" she asked, standing there in the doorway.

Cuddy sighed and looked down to her. Right now, she was hoping that she was wrong about her suspicions. "Has Matt recently brought anyone else here?" she asked.

Rachel just shook her head.

"Have you spent the night anywhere else lately?" she tried again. Maybe he wasn't dumb enough to bring anyone over with Rachel there.

"Yes! Matt told me that he had to stay with you, so he took me over to grandma's," she replied with a smile, not knowing that she was confirming her mother's fears.

Cuddy just watched her with disappointment. "Thank you," she said, trying to keep herself together. Turning around, she saw Matt standing there, guilt written all over his face. "That's why you weren't there that night isn't it? You were out with some other woman while I was getting operated on?" she questioned. Holding back tears.

Matt looked over to Rachel. "Why don't you," he started.

"No!" Cuddy interrupted him as she held up her hand. Now, she was hurt. "Why don't you let her see this? Let her find out what happens when you cheat," she sternly instructed. "All because I did one thing that you didn't like, you had to go out and show me!"

"It's not like that!" Matt argued. "I was upset, and I wasn't thinking and she was right there," he tried to explain himself.

Cuddy just shook her head. "Is that supposed to make it okay?" she implored. Right now, she hated him. She could never say that about anyone before, but right now, she could honestly say that about him.

Matt just stood there and sighed. "I'm sorry," he said. "There's nothing I can do about it now. I wish there was. I wish I could go back and stop myself, but I can't," he responded. In all honesty, he did hate seeing her this way. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her, especially this badly.

"If you really cared all that much, you wouldn't have gone out and done it in the first place," she stated and then turned back to Rachel, who was just standing there blankly staring. "Come on Rachel, we're going to take trip," she said, holding her hand out.

Rachel took her hand and was lead down the stairs and to the door. She had never seen them argue like that before. She had no idea what they were talking about, but wasn't all that curious. At least, not enough to ask her mommy.

"Lisa! Wait!" Matt called out after her.

"No! No more! You already showed me how immature you are!" Cuddy responded as she stopped before the door to put her coat on and help Rachel with her's.

Cuddy grabbed Rachel's hand again and hastened to the car. Once Rachel was buckled in her seat, she started the car and drove down the road. As soon as she was sure that she was far enough away, she pulled over to the side and stopped the car. Now, she finally let herself go.

Rachel looked up front and saw her mom crying into the steering wheel. She unfastened her seat belt and stood right behind the driver's seat. "It's okay," she said, hugging her as well as she could over the seat.

Cuddy wiped her face as she looked up and briefly smiled to Rachel. "Thank you," she replied. She took a few seconds to try and collect herself and then thought of where they could go. There wasn't many options. If she went to her mother's then she would have to explain in detail what happened, and she didn't want to have to do that right now. "We're going to spend the night at one of my friend's house's. You think you can handle that?" she asked.

"You mean like a slumber party?" she questioned, starting to get excited.

"Sure," Cuddy answered. As long as Rachel was okay with it, she really didn't care how she thought of it as.

"Yes!" Rachel squealed.

"Get back into your seat and we can get over there, all right?" she inquired.

"Yes mommy," Rachel responded and then got back up in her seat and buckled her seat belt.

Cuddy sighed as she started the car back up. The next few days were about to be very long.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Mistakes

Cuddy lead Rachel up to Wilson's apartment and knocked on the door. They could have stayed at a hotel room, that would have been easy, but she wanted someone tonight. She didn't want to be alone anymore. There was also the fact that she would have to use the credit card to her's and Matt's account, which would allow him to easily find her if he wanted to come and talk to her. If things were to go her way, she would never see him again.

"Robinson?" Wilson asked upon opening the door.

"Can we just stay the night?" she pleaded.

Wilson looked between the two. "Yeah," he replied. Stepping aside, he watched the two walk in. He wanted to ask what was going on, but he figured that he should wait for Cuddy to get Rachel taken first.

Looking around the apartment, he realized that he had to figure out how to do this. There was one bedroom and then a couch out in the living room. "If you want, you two can have the bed tonight," he offered. Cuddy had just had surgery not too long ago, and he figured that giving them both the bed was the easiest way for Cuddy to keep Rachel with her.

Cuddy looked to Wilson. "You don't have to do that. We can sleep out here," she informed him.

"No, please," Wilson insisted.

Cuddy gratefully smiled to him. "Thank you," she replied. "I'm going to go get Rachel to bed," she stated.

Wilson just watched her as she lead the little girl to the bedroom. He had an idea of what happened. There was a fight between her and Matt. It was obviously over something major, he just didn't know how big.

O o o o o o o

Cuddy sat on the edge of the bed as she tucked Rachel in for the night. "Good night," she gently said and then leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

Rachel smiled for a brief second and then, twisted her face in confusion. "Mommy? Why did you you and Matt fight?" she inquired.

Cuddy just looked down to her for a minute. There were a lot of issues that were new to her that she wasn't completely sure about yet. "Well," she sighed. "We just different ideas of how things should be right now I guess. Matt and I wanted different things," she tried to explained.

"You didn't want him having any other friends?" Rachel asked.

Puzzled, Cuddy looked to her for a second. "Where did you get that idea from?" she questioned, wondering if maybe Matt had mentioned anything to her.

Rachel shrugged. "Matt was on the phone and he said that he couldn't have anyone over but that he would have to go see them sometime instead," she explained. "Then you asked me if he had anyone over."

Cuddy just nodded. If she just would have said girlfriends, she would have been right on the dot. "It's not that I didn't want him having any friends, I just didn't want him lying to me about them. I didn't want him sneaking around to see them," she stated.

Rachel nodded and then looked down and started playing with the blanket in her hands. "Are you two breaking up?" she implored, looking straight up into Cuddy's eyes.

"Yes," Cuddy bluntly answered. She knew what was going to happen between the two, he would come back to her apologizing, and then she wouldn't accept it right away and he would point this whole thing back on her. There was no use in telling her that there was a chance when there was barely any at all. Maybe, if he called and took full responsibility, she might consider giving him another chance, but that wasn't likely.

"Oh," Rachel replied and then looked off to the side.

Cuddy sat there, trying to see how Rachel felt about that, but there wasn't any real reaction. "Do you know what that means?" she implored.

Rachel looked back to her and nodded. "Yep! It's when a mommy and daddy live at separate homes," she answered.

Cuddy softly laughed as she gently brushed Rachel's hair back from her face. "Yeah," she responded. She had the basic idea of what was about to happen. "I think it's time for you to get some sleep now, okay?"

"Good night mommy," Rachel said and then turned over on her side.

Cuddy turned out the light and then left the room, gently closing the door behind her. She saw Wilson on the couch and walked over to him. "I bet you're just waiting to ask aren't you?" she questioned, standing beside him.

Wilson looked up to her. "I was kind of curious," he admitted.

Cuddy sat down at the other end of the couch and slightly turned towards him. "Matt cheated on me," she confessed.

Wilson's eyes widened with surprise. "Oh, wow," he said, shaking his head. "I mean, I was expecting something bad, but wow." He then saw her, just sitting there staring towards the ground. "I'm sorry," he stated.

"Thanks," she flatly stated. Really, she just wished that when Matt had said sorry, that it was a sincere as it sounded coming from Wilson. It wasn't as if she didn't see this coming though. It was probably just a matter of time.

"Hey, listen, if you need to stay here any longer than just tonight," he started.

"Don't worry," Cuddy interrupted him. "I'll have something figured out by tomorrow," she informed him. She had to get back home while Matt was at work and gather her's and Rachel's things. Then she would get an apartment or something.

"You two definitely splitting?" he asked.

Cuddy looked up to him with tired eyes. "Yes," she replied. "After all of this, its the only option we have left," she explained. With as quickly as everything happened, it sounded like they were just giving up, when they might actually just be facing the truth that there was no where else to turn.

The room fell silent as she thought back on her time in the hospital, how much more House must have resented her, how much he must have wanted to laugh in her face when he was proven to be the better of the two. How he was right. She could see a hint of it in his eyes, he wanted to tell her when he found out that Matt abandoned her. He did her a favor by letting it go.

"Did House tell you everything after I broke up with him?" she asked, keeping eye contact with Wilson.

"You were upset because you needed him at the hospital and he came only after taking his Vicodin," Wilson answered.

"Did he tell you that Matt never showed up?" she questioned.

"No," Wilson answered, starting to get more concerned.

Cuddy sighed and looked down. It was hard for her to admit this, but she was just shown how much worse things could have been. "I just found out that House went out of his way to try and get Rachel into the preschool that I wanted," she started, and then looked up to him, guilty. "I never knew that. There's so many other things that he could have done, things that I never gave him credit for," she explained, getting upset with herself.

"He didn't want credit," Wilson responded. "He just wanted things to work out for you," he explained.

Cuddy sat back and leaned her head against the back of the couch. "I just wish I would have known this three years ago," she said. "I think I made a mistake," she confessed and then looked to Wilson and softly laughed. "Could you imagine what House would say if he were here to hear that?" she questioned.

Wilson knew that House wanted absolutely no contact with anyone he left behind. This was the exception though. He was about to break his promise. "I think he should hear it," he responded.

Cuddy sat up and looked to him with both confusion and interest. Then, all too soon, her face dropped and turned to regret. "It's too late. He's already gone," she argued.

"I know where he's at," Wilson informed her.

"And there's no chance that he's lying," she remarked.

"I helped him move in," Wilson stated.

Cuddy wanted to talk to House. She really did, but there was something in her that told her no. That it would be a mistake. He had been too hurt to try again. "I don't know," she said. "Maybe I should just let it go," she stated.

Wilson nodded. "Well you're doing such a good job of it now," he commented.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "What makes you think that he's going to want to talk to me anyways? I was the reason that he left," she explained.

Wilson sighed. "If I tell you this, will you promise not to tell House?" he questioned.

Cuddy didn't see how she could tell him, but she went along with it anyways. "Sure," she replied.

"When you were first admitted, no one would tell House anything. He had assumed that it was something with your kidneys again and figured that there was something more important that he should be doing, so he had himself tested to make sure that you could have one of his if something went wrong," Wilson told her.

There were a few questions that she had, like how he got tested, but that could all wait. Right now, she was just surprised that he was willing to do that for her. It was hard for her to understand how one day he could do something like that, and then within the same week come up to see her and completely rip her apart.

Cuddy looked up to Wilson. "I want to go see him," she announced.

O o o o o o o o

The next morning, Cuddy dropped Rachel off at her sister's after they both stopped home and got a chance to get ready for the day while Matt was at work. Now, Cuddy and Wilson were pulling up to House's apartment.

"Now, he shouldn't have to be at work for a few more hours, so he should still be home," Wilson explained as he parked the car.

"What if he's not?" Cuddy asked. It wasn't like they had anywhere to be for the rest of the day.

"He will be," Wilson said.

Cuddy took a good look at the building. She knew which door to go up to. All she had to do now was gain the courage to actually go up there and knock on the door. "Here goes nothing," she whispered to herself before she opened the door and walked up towards the door marked eight A. Looking back, she saw Wilson patiently waiting in the car. She took a deep breathe and turned back to face the door and knocked.

No answer. She decided to try again and give him a few minutes. Still nothing. "House?" she called out. "I need to talk to you!"

Still, nothing. She was starting to lose her patience at this point and decided to just try and open the door. It was unlocked. Cautiously, she entered the apartment and looked around. "House?" she called out. Suddenly, she froze. There was a puddle of blood at her feet. Nervously, she forced herself to look up ahead.

"Oh God," she gasped. She quickly turned and left. "Wilson!" she called out on her way back to the car.

Wilson looked up and saw tears streaking her face. He got out of the car and met her half way. "What happened?" he asked.

"I don't know," Cuddy answered, starting to panic.

Wilson just took this as his hint to go see for himself.

While he went into the apartment, Cuddy sat down on the bench and closed her eyes as she desperately tried to calm herself down.

**Only two more chapters left. As always, let me know what you think. **

**Also, just in case I don't finish this before hand because I'm not sure exactly how busy I will be this week, I just want to congratulate the class of 2012! In a few days we'll be officially done with high school! **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: All That Could Have Been

All that she could hear was her heels clicking against the floor as she nervously paced back and forth. Cuddy kept her head down and arms folded as she aimlessly walked he hall. Her expressionless, glossy eyes blankly kept track of the floor. The image that she had just seen, House laying there in his own blood, it was engraved into her mind. She didn't check any of his vital signs, Wilson had to do that for her. He told her that he was still alive, at least, he was then.

Now, there was no telling. She couldn't ride in the ambulance with him. It wasn't that she wasn't allowed, she just couldn't sit there and watch him lay there, unconscious, all because of her. No, this one incident may not be directly her fault, but that letter that he had given her made her see just what she did when she broke up with him. It would have been one thing if he really hadn't been there for her and he had been selfish and greedy. But he wasn't. He was there for her more than she had ever thought. They both still had feelings for each other and she went and ruined it. She destroyed her happiness along with his life.

Wilson, who was sitting in the chair out in the lobby could see her every time she passed the door. He had no idea what to say to her anymore. He was the one that rode with House in the ambulance. He saw the damage that he had done to himself. It was an accident, there was shattered glass on the floor under and around him. Some of the glass had managed to cut into his arms, chest, and neck. Even though it was an accident though, there was something intentional about it. The empty bottles, the amounts of vicodin that he had been consuming, he didn't care anymore. If he hadn't of fallen on the glass, he would have eventually just died.

Sighing, he stood up and slowly head towards the doors. "Cuddy?" he gently called out, allowing the door to close behind him.

Cuddy stopped and reluctantly turned around to him. The first thing she noticed was the use of her maiden name by him again, he was recognizing the fact that her and Matt were done. Her arms dropped to her sides. "You hear anything?" she implored. This was the first time in a while that she had lifted her head, revealing her weary and scared eyes.

"Not yet," Wilson answered, shaking his head. "I just wanted to check on you. I don't think I've heard anything from you since we've left the apartment," he explained. He really was beginning to worry about her. She seemed like a time bomb almost, just waiting to go off at hearing the wrong thing. If House pulled through, she would be alright, but, there was that chance that he wouldn't, and that was what worried him.

Right now, House was in surgery. They were working on a few of the veins and arteries that had been destroyed. The main problem was that they didn't know if he could hold up through the surgery. He had already lost so much blood. They would have waited, but he wouldn't have made it, the blood was leaking into his chest cavities.

Cuddy nodded in response and then folded her arms and turned back away. She continued to walk. It was the only to keep her mind from completely wondering, and thinking about what could happen. Although childish, it felt as if she didn't think about it, it wasn't really happening, she had nothing to be scared of.

Then again, there were a lot of times where he had scared her, and everything was okay. This could be one of those times.

O o o o o o o

One hour later. Cuddy sat there in the hall on the floor. In the waiting room, she could have sat down in a chair, but this wasn't a waiting room, and that was enough to appeal to her.

She had called her sister and told her what was going on and checked in on Rachel. So far, things back home were doing good. At least she had that going for her.

The only problem now, was that there were less people there, and she had more time to think. She could remember the first time that they had met. It was back when they were both still in college. She had decided to go crash a party with her best friend.

_Cuddy, now, only twenty years old, stood at out on the back porch of one of the fraternity houses. Leaning on the railing, she just stared out towards the rest of the campus. She wanted to get away from everyone inside. There was too much drinking, too much yelling, and too many guys hitting on her. She thought that this was going to be fun, but all it turned out to be was a huge let down. _

"_You come here often?" _

_Cuddy turned around and saw House standing there. Jeans and an old t-shirt. He had a beer in his hand that he took the final sip out of and tossed off to the side. _

_To her right now, this was just some random jerk using a corny pick up line on her. Rolling her eyes, she turned back around. "Never heard that one before," she remarked. _

_House walked over and stood beside her and leaned on the railing. "Let me guess, you're not supposed to be here, you're a little miss daddy's girl who does whatever she's told, so now you feel guilty about betraying his trust," he stated. _

_Cuddy looked over to him. "Now that's a new one," she replied, trying to hide how nervous she was around him. She had seen him before,but she couldn't place him. _

"_Good to know I haven't lost my originality," he responded. He then pushed himself off the railing and looked her over. "Anyone ever tell you you have a great ass?" he questioned. _

_Cuddy rolled her eyes. The last thing she wanted right now was to be hit on by a drunk, although, he actually didn't sound that bad. "I've gotta go," she informed him. _

"_Name's Greg House!" he called out after her as she walked away from him. _

_Cuddy sighed, she knew that name. That infamous name. Smirking, she turned around to him. "So you're the one everyone talks about," she mentioned, looking him over. She had to admit, there was something that she did like about this man. _

_House returned the smirk. "The one and only," he responded. _

"_Lisa Cuddy, get back to me when you're sober," she instructed and then turned and left. _

He did end up looking her up after that. There was the one night stand they shared, and then the dinner that he took her out on when he was apologizing to her for leaving the next morning. From the moment that they had met until now, they had been finding ways to annoy each other, and somehow, enjoying it. She missed the way that they used to banter, she missed when his heart was in his cases and they would fight about what he was doing. She missed the way that things used to be between them.

There was another time that stuck out to her. It was after college, he had just started working for her. She was dating this other man, Henry maybe? She honestly couldn't clearly remember his name. As bad as that was, she could remember the times with House during that time than she could with her time spent with, Henry.

They had only been dating a few months, and she had a bit of a scare. She thought she was pregnant, and at that time, she figured that the last thing she needed was a baby, especially with this man. House was the one that she had confided in.

_Cuddy was sitting at her desk, trying to get through her paper work. It was hard though, she was distracted with the millions of questions that were racing through her head. What if she was pregnant? Would she necessarily marry this Henry guy? What would her parents thinks? Could she still hold this job with a kid? _

_There were a lot of things, even silly things, that she was freaking out about. _

"_You know what would be really nice?" House questioned as he barged into the room. _

_Cuddy just looked up and tried to keep herself from screaming at him. The sooner she let him do this, the sooner he would leave and she could get back to trying to focus on something productive. _

"_If I could get permission to light my patient's arm on fire," he stated. _

"_No!" she quickly answered. _

_House set his cane down on her desk and then sat down before her. "So what you're really saying, is that you don't care about the patient?" he asked. _

_Cuddy sighed in defeat. "Go figure out something more sensible, and when you do, come back and we'll discuss it," she ordered, starting to lose her patience. _

_House smirked. "Usually it takes a couple more tries to bring out your true pain in the assiness," he mentioned. Carefully, he looked her over. _

"_What?" Cuddy asked, afraid of the thoughts going through his head. _

"_Something happened between you and Henry," he stated. "You're more irritable than usual. Something was brought on you that you don't think you want. Like a proposal?" he suggested. _

"_Please," Cuddy scoffed and pretended to ignore him. _

"_Baby maybe?" he tried again. _

_Cuddy wanted to come out and say no right away, but there was something stopping her. Instead, she froze for a moment before slowly looking up and sighing. _

"_And what? You afraid of losing your figure?" he questioned. "No wait, that's my fear," he said and then leaned forward. "You think you can't handle a baby? Because I'm pretty sure that if you can handle a hospital and some of those classes that you took in college, that a baby should be easy," he explained. _

_Cuddy rolled her eyes. To her, he was taking this all too lightly. _

"_Wait! I've got it!" he announced, hitting her desk with his fist. "Mommy and daddy's little girl doesn't want to upset them," he offered. _

"_Maybe a little of all three," she informed him. Not so much losing her figure, that would be the least of her problems. _

"_Work out a little extra, hire a nanny, and screw what your parents think. You already own a hospital, what else could they want from little miss perfect?" he asked. _

"_Do you really think it's that simple?" she questioned. _

"_For you? Yes," he replied and then stood up. "You're only making this more complicated because you're scared. I know you like kids, and I know you can handle a lot. I'm starting to think that you just like to stress yourself out," he explained. _

_Cuddy softly laughed at his logic. "So if I am pregnant, its no big deal?" she asked, making sure that she was getting what he was saying. _

"_Again, for most people, it would be. You? The most organized, responsible freak I know, no," he answered. _

_Cuddy slightly smiled. She was able to take some comfort in his words. "Thank you," she said._

"_If you really wanted to thank me, you would give me the okay to be an arsonist for a few minutes," eh responded as he started to leave. _

"_Not gonna happen," she called back to him. _

He didn't know it yet, or maybe he did, but he was the reason that she started thinking about becoming a mother. She trusted him, and with his tiny vote of confidence, that was all she needed to seriously consider the idea.

Right now, they could be doing that. Right now, they could still be dating. Right now, they could still be back home, he could be randomly bursting into her office, she could tell him that he is insane and he could argue with her over the fact that she doesn't know what she's doing, that she has forgotten how to be a real doctor. They could both be all right.

"Cuddy?" Wilson called over to her from the doorway, bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?" she responded, lifting her head up to him.

"They have some news, I told them that they had better wait and talk to you," he explained.

Cuddy stood up and tried to gain her composure. As anxious as she was to find out about House, she was hesitant to actually know. If he was dead, she would rather wait out here in denial for a little bit longer, but on the other hand, if he was all right, she wanted to know right away. "You tell people they're going to die all the time, how do they look?" she implored.

Wilson sighed. "I don't know," he admitted. "But we'll find out soon enough," he told her.

Cuddy nodded and headed for the door.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Missed Chances

Wilson and Cuddy walked over to the door. Right on the other side, was House. He was going to be okay. Physically, everything was going to be fine.

Cuddy stood there, anxiously staring towards the door knob. With everything that these two have been through together, the best and the worst times, this was what it all came down to. Whether or not she could gather up enough courage to open a door, walk in, and apologize.

"He's not going to believe me," she whispered, more to prepare herself for what might happen. The rejection that she might have to face.

Wilson looked over to her. He could see the hesitance as she kept her hands at her sides, rather than reach for the door knob. "He's not going to believe you telling him that he was right and you were wrong?" he questioned.

Cuddy's shoulders slightly dropped. "He's not going to believe that I'm sorry," she explained. "And even if he does, why should he accept my apology?"

She knew House too well to think that she could just go in there and tell him that she's sorry and expect him to just instantly take her back. He was hurt, and even though he had done things since then to help her, he would still take the chance to emotionally tear her down. That was what she really should have been preparing for, taking the insults that he was about to dish out to her. Whether or not she deserved it, she knew that it was coming.

Wilson knew that she had a point, but at the same time, he knew that she had to at least go in there and talk to him. Show him that she did want to be there for him. Even if he would never admit it, it would mean something to him. "You're going to have to get it out of the way eventually," he replied.

Cuddy, without thinking, just took the response and quickly forced herself to reach for the doorknob and turn it. Before she actually opened the door, she briefly shut her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Greg?" she called out as she cautiously walked towards the bed. The room was somewhat dim, making it hard for her to see his expression.

House turned his head to her. "So, is this Wilson's idea of a get well soon present?" he questioned. It had to be Wilson. He was the only one who knew where he was. How he found out though, he wasn't sure. It didn't matter though.

Cuddy approached the bed, but stayed a little bit back. "I had to talk to you," she informed him, her eyes directly on his. "After I read the letter," she started.

"What? You thought that maybe you owed it to me to come back here and try to ruin this life too?" he spat. He had been trying to forget about her, trying to move on, and here she was bringing him right back to where he started, prolonging the process. "Just to let you know, that whole thing was an accident. I didn't throw the glass down and fall into it on purpose," he explained, knowing that she had her questions about it.

Cuddy was getting slightly impatient with him. This was expected, but it was still irritating her. He wasn't about to let her actually say anything to him right now, and this was the time that she needed for him to hear her. "I left Matt!" she sternly announced.

"And for a minute there I thought that he was about to get away with something I got in trouble for, and that's just not fair," he remarked.

Cuddy stood there, trying to stand firm. Desperately forcing herself to contain the tears of frustration and hurt. "He cheated on me that night he didn't show up," she steadily informed him.

House just stared to her. Yes, he had things to say, but that was his cut off point. He was hurt, and he was tired, but this was still Cuddy. This was the woman who gave up an entire day to come down here. Even if it was screwing up his life right now, it was still her.

"I guess when he said that I shouldn't have gotten the operation, he wasn't messing around," she stated. She was about to go and say something else, but looking up at House, she stopped.

House watched her as she adverted her eyes as she folded her arms. She was ashamed. After Matt went out and was the one that had betrayed her, she was ashamed. That to him was mind blowing. "Don't even start," House warned her. He wasn't about to sit there and watch her blame herself for some other idiot's actions.

Cuddy quickly looked up to him. "What do you mean?" she asked, almost offended by his reaction.

"You clearly think it's your fault. You were about to go on and say that maybe you shouldn't have had the operation. You know better than that. If he was going to cheat, he was going to find a reason to no matter what you did," House explained to her. He might have been about to go through and take every stab he could at her, but he wasn't about to lay there and let her dig into herself over something that she had no control over.

Cuddy sighed, looking to him with defeat and weakness. "I was going to say that I must have sucked as a wife," she stated in a nonchalant manner, somehow still laced with a sour undertone. No matter what, those words, his words, still stuck with her. Now, she was seeing that maybe, just maybe, he could be right.

That small confession only proved House's point. She did think that it was her fault. "Yes, it was definitely your fault. I bet you made those growths yourself," he started.

"Why else would he have cheated?" she merely cried out, interrupting him. She didn't care to hear his remarks. She didn't need sarcasm right now.

House sighed. "I never cheated on you," he stated.

"Yes, I know. You did go out of your way to show me that you could be a good boyfriend," she replied. Even though she was about to admit that she had prematurely ended what they had, she found it childish for him to be pointing out how he was better than Matt right now.

"I don't remember Lucas cheating on you," House went on.

Cuddy stopped and looked to him. Now, she could see what he was doing. "Thank you," she responded, forcing a small smile of gratitude.

House laid there, wondering why she had chosen to come in the first place. To let him know about Matt? Maybe to show him that his words still hurt her? Did she know that he was in the hospital before she came? He figured it would be best to just ask her. "That what you came for?"

Cuddy stepped closer to the bed. She was starting to feel a bit more comfortable here. "I came to apologize to you," she replied.

"For what?" he gruffly asked.

Cuddy looked down for a moment. He was going to make this harder than it had to be for her. "I want to give you another chance," she went ahead and informed him. "If you're willing to give me one."

House just looked to her with widened eyes. That was not what he was expecting to hear from her at all. "Why?" he implored, not really believing that this was actually happening right now.

Deep down, he did want this. He wanted that chance and he wanted to be with her again, but could he just give in that easily? Was it just that simple?

Cuddy shrugged. "You were right. You deserved a second chance," she explained. After Matt betrayed her, and after reading the letter, she really saw what she had, and what she had given up.

On the way here to talk to him, she had been thinking about their time together. The times before that. Even when she was dating other guys, House was the one that she could talk to. He wasn't sensitive or anything like that, but there were times where he was brutally honest, and she needed that, it was part of the reason why she trusted him more than she did others. He could openly tell her if he didn't like something she was doing, he could tell her when he thought she was wrong. She valued his opinion.

"Last time, you told me that I didn't need to change," he argued. He wanted to see what he really had to do to be with her. Last time he learned the hard way that she didn't mean everything that she had told him.

"I can be less critical, less demanding," she offered. It was only fair. She wanted him to be less dependent on pills, so why not?

"No you can't," he argued. "People don't change. We're both living proof of that. After therapy and being in a mental hospital, I still turned to Vicodin. And here you are, still seeking out that unconditional love by settling for me again as soon as the latest Mr. perfect runs out on you," he explained.

Cuddy just shook her head. He was pushing her away. There was still hurt and too many unhealed wounds. With him, they could have been permanent. "I don't believe that," she stated, holding her ground. "You changed while you were with me. You even told me yourself, I made you a worse doctor. That right there is change. You actually started to care for Rachel when before hand you were just jealous of her and showed me that in many childish ways," she pointed out to him.

"I wonder if either of those had to do with me wanting to get into your pants? Being distracted by you and knowing that if I made you happy could get me sex later on lead to both of those. As I recall I've always liked sex. That's not me changing, that's just me finding news ways to get what I wanted," he responded.

Cuddy gave up on him. "Fine," she weakly said. "You win. You're obviously still mad at me, and I'm wasting my time here," she stated and then started for the door. Before she left though, there was one last thing that she had to tell him. Wheeling around, she plainly looked to him. "You ever want your job back, all you have to do is show up," she flatly offered and then left the room.

"How did it go?" Wilson anxiously asked as soon as he saw the door open up. He didn't even wait for her to step out.

Cuddy briefly stopped and turned to him. "Let's go," she hoarsely requested. Before he could answer, she quickly turned and hastened down the hall. With her back to him, she wiped the tears that had started to fall from her eyes.

Whether or not he was following her, she didn't care. He could have been, or he could be in the room right now asking House what had happened. If he was, at least it was House getting the questions and not her. The last thing she needed was Wilson pestering her the entire ride back home.

It was clear when she made it to the elevator that Wilson had gone to talk to House instead of following her. Once she made it outside, she knew that she would just have to wait for him to be able to leave, so she sat down on the short cement wall.

Sitting there, she watched as cars drove past on the road, as people walked by, she watched others live out a small, tiny part of their lives. It was all she could do to keep herself from dwelling on what had just happened.

Brushing her hair back with her hand, she tightly closed her eyes. Not here, she couldn't allow herself to lose her composure right out in the middle of public. Finding out that that was easier said than done, she lowered her head and brought her hand up to cover her face. Even though it was still obvious that she was crying, it made her feel somewhat more private.

"Come on, we can go now," Wilson flatly said, standing before her.

Cuddy lifted her tear stricken face, red puffy eyes. Silently, she stood up and started heading towards the car. They were getting ready to leave behind the man that she loved. The man that she could never have because of one mistake that she had made three years ago.

**I lied before, this isn't the end. I was off by one chapter. I'm mean like that. Lol, but it could be worse, I could have left it like this and made this ending. **


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Make This Right

One Month Later

Early morning, and Cuddy was running late. She woke up late, resulting in Rachel getting up late for school.

Right now, they were both staying in a small apartment while she waited for Matt to sign the divorce papers. The process shouldn't be all that long and drawn out, she would get full custody of Rachel and she already moved out of the house and was willing to buy a new one, and she only wanted her own money that she had earned. Basically, all she wanted for him to be out of her life.

"Come on Rachel! I have ten minutes to get you there!" Cuddy called to her from the living room. She rushed to put her shoes on and grab her coat. That was when she looked out the window and noticed that it was raining out. "Great," she said to herself.

Trying to rush things along, she hastened to grab Rachel's rain coat and hat, and then an umbrella for herself.

"I'm ready!" Rachel announced as she ran out into the living room. Without another word, she quickly put on her outer wear and waited at the door as Cuddy went and grabbed her purse.

They both headed out to the car and made their way to the elementary school. Cuddy stayed and watched to make sure that Rachel got inside okay, and then it was off to work.

Oooooooo

House stepped out of the examining room into the hallway. Leaning back against the wall, he let out a heavy sigh. "Now onto the next one," he announced to himself.

This new job was getting to him. There was no mystery, no puzzle, nothing interesting. It was the same monotonous routine every single day. People would come in with simple little symptoms such as sore throats and fevers. The last patient he had just had a simple sinus infection. That was it. Even worse, his boss took a little off his pay check every time that a patient would complain about him. There was no talking between the two, just simple, here's the rules and here's what's going to happen.

Of course, he had found ways around Dr. Carlton's rules. He would wear different name tags so that if anyone did complain, they would give him the wrong name. He had found ways to slip Vicodin through out the day. It just wasn't as fun anymore. Mr. Carlton would not yell at him, he would not argue with him, all he did was glare at House and then tell him what he should be doing. The other night, he told Wilson that he also missed having someone around that was sexy when they got mad and that Carlton's ass just wasn't doing it for him.

Limping as slowly as he could, he made his way to the next room and saw an older woman sitting on the counter waiting for him. "And what's wrong with you today?" he flatly questioned, trying to get through with this as soon as possible.

"My throat is sore," she answered.

He was already irritated, so this was not helping at all. Looking to her as if she had to be kidding, he let a brief moment pass in silence. "And...?" he implored in the hopes that there was something else, maybe at least an actual reason to be here.

"That's it," she replied.

"I see," he said, slowly nodding. "Since there are thousands of people that die each year from a simple sore throat."

"It could be strep," she suggested, noting his sarcasm.

House went and grabbed a container and a cotton swab to test her. "And it could be cancer too. You want to get tested for that? Or how about mono?" he questioned as he approached her. "Open up," he instructed.

Glaring to him, she did as he said and opened her mouth. What really upset him, even more than the fact that this woman was a complete moron for coming here just for a sore throat, was that he knew it was going to come up negative. He knew the outcomes of every minor test that he has run.

Normally, he would have fought more with her, explaining to her how he knew that it was a cold she had. Point out to her that a cold often causes a cough which could make your throat sore, tell her that there was nothing he could do for a cold. But, what was the point anymore? This was all he had to do all day everyday. Trying to set people straight has also started to get boring to him, arguing the same argument over and over again got tiresome.

Then again, if he had to stay late here, what was he missing out at back at his place? An empty apartment with nothing to do?

All he knew anymore was that he had to get out of here, or at least find something to do to occupy his time.

Ooooooo

Cuddy stepped out of the meeting and as fast as she could, started towards her office. Things were obviously not going her way.

Wilson passed her in the hallway and stopped for a second to register the look on her face. Ever since they had returned from seeing House, there had been something different with her. She was more tense, stressed out, and emotional. Yes, she was currently going through a divorce and her husband had just cheated on her, and she did just have an important surgery done, but after that day, something changed.

"Cuddy?" he called out after her as he started towards her. Lately, he had been checking up on her, trying to prevent the upcoming breakdown.

"Yes?" she responded, slowing down, but not stopping. There were important things to get done, such as calling up Matt and asking him how come it takes so damn long to sign a paper. Meanwhile, she also had to work out a deal with the nurses before they all went on strike.

Wilson jogged and caught up to her. "I was thinking, to make things easier, you and Rachel can go ahead and stay with me. That way you're not in a hurry to buy a house and rent is one less thing to worry about," he offered.

"I happen to make enough money to make rent and we can manage in an apartment just fine for a while," she sharply answered, turning down his invite.

Wilson was about to keep talking to her, but gave up. She was too busy right now, and there was no way that he could get her to listen to him. There was one person though, one person that he knew could get through to her. House.

Ooooooo

House sat there on his couch, listening to the message that Wilson had left for him on the phone. The call that he had purposely missed after the day he had. He listened to him explain how far gone Cuddy is starting to get, how bad she is, how close to breaking down she is at the moment.

Blankly staring forward, he thought back to his last year of medical school at Michigan State.

_House walked into the cafeteria. He was about to grab a tray and pick out what he wanted for lunch, but he stopped as soon as he spotted Cuddy. She was sitting alone, which wasn't all that odd to see, he did see her off by herself a lot of times, but usually she would have something that she was working on or studying when she was alone. Today, she just sat there and looked down towards the table. _

_Sighing, he decided against getting food right now, and going to talk to her. Listening was never one of his strengths, but this was someone that he was somewhat close to so he figured that maybe he should give it a shot. Besides, her boyfriend wasn't there with her, he might have a shot with her. "Oh look, happy's here today," he remarked, sitting down across from her. _

_Cuddy looked up to him and rolled her eyes. "Greg," she stated. "Look, don't take this personally, but I don't want to talk to anyone right now," she informed him. _

"_Fine," House replied. "I'll talk then," he offered. "You look upset. Of course, you also sound upset. Something you're embarrassed about."_

_Cuddy looked up to him with slight fascination. She was over here hurt, and he was willing to play twenty questions to figure out what was wrong. It was annoying, but at the same time, no one else there had taken the time to come up and even ask her what was wrong. "John cheated," she confessed. _

_House nodded. "That sucks," he said. "But what sucks even more, is the fact that you sit here blaming yourself while he was the idiot that did it."_

"_I don't blame myself," Cuddy argued. "I just wish he hadn't done it."_

_House held his hand up while he dug through his pockets with the other one. "Here," he stated, tossing a cherry lollipop and a five dollar bill that he was going to use on lunch. _

_Cuddy accepted the lollipop, but the held up the five dollars. "What am I supposed to do with this?" she implored. _

_House sighed. "You can either meet me in my room later and consider that to be just a small down payment of what you can make," he started, smirking at the offense she took to that comment. "Or, you can go out and buy yourself flowers or something like that that you girls think is a sign of someone loving you more than anyone or anything else in the universe." _

_Cuddy's expression softened and slowly turned to a small grin. "Thank you," she stated. _

"_What ever," House responded and then got up and walked away. _

He knew what he had to do now. House stood up and grabbed his cane, coat, and helmet.

Oooooooo

The next day, Cuddy walked into work with her umbrella in her hand and her face down. Last night, Matt finally sign the papers and the divorce was going through. It had hit her though, this was her second failed marriage. As House had pointed out to her while they were dating, she had been married for a small period before, a total of six days.

She missed Matt, not the Matt that left her when she needed him and cheated on her and the one will always resent her for the operation, but the one she married, the one that got along with Rachel and the one that would hold her at night and hold hands with her while they walked together.

The whole thing also reminded her of how much she had failed at in life. The fact that even though she could do well at work, that she could never find a man who truly cared for her and make things work out with him. She couldn't do relationships well. Rachel was all she had, and that was because she really did depend on her.

As quickly and quietly as she could, she made it into her office and closed the door behind her. Taking a small little break from everything around her, she closed her eyes and plopped down on the couch. Nothing was really going her way, and it was all eating at her. The only thing that made her happy was that she was able to reach a negotiation with the nurses last night. Other than that though, it still seemed like everything was against her.

Opening her eyes, she looked over and saw a yellow envelope sitting on her desk. "Perfect," she sighed, figuring that it was bad news for her.

She got up and walked over there and cautiously picked up the envelope, preparing herself for whatever could be in there. Getting herself ready for the next big failure in her life.

Opening the envelope, she pulled out a red lollipop and a five dollar bill. Perplexed, she studied the two random objects. "What the..." she started to ask herself, but a small grin crept across her face as soon as she remembered.

It wasn't much, but it was enough to let her know that he did care. Smiling, she set everything down and decided to go up to see Wilson.

As soon as she got there, she knocked on the door and waited for him to tell her to come in. "I have to talk to House," she announced as soon as she entered the room. The decision was not well thought out, and it was based on the sudden emotions, but it still felt right to her.

Wilson just looked up to her. "Are you sure about this?" he implored. Yes, he had talked to House explaining everything, hoping that the two would talk again, but he was also waiting for him to step forward. He wanted to make sure that House was not going to hurt her like last time. Also, he did not want her rushing into something now and then end up hurting House again later on. Quite honestly, right now, neither of them could handle getting hurt.

Cuddy stood there and nodded. "I found something from him on my desk. I know that he was here," she explained.

Wilson looked to her with both surprise and confusion. "What did he leave?" he questioned. The trip last night was also news to him.

Cuddy softly smiled to herself. "A red lollipop and five dollars," she answered, knowing that he would not understand the meaning behind it.

"Anyone could have left that," Wilson explained to her, still confused.

Cuddy shook her head. "It was something that happened when we were younger. It was all he had with him when he found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me," she informed him.

Wilson just nodded. Maybe that right there was enough proof that House was ready to talk to her again. Maybe this time, they could both handle it and not hurt each other. "All right, if I give you his address, you think you could get yourself there? If not, I can take you there tomorrow," he offered.

"I'm capable," Cuddy assured him. Even though tomorrow was not far from now, it was still too long to wait. "And, do you think that you could make sure that Rachel gets home from school okay?" she requested.

Wilson nodded and obliged. "Will do," he replied as he took out a piece of paper and started writing. "Here," he said handing it over to her.

Cuddy took it and looked it over. "Thank you," she said and then left the room.

Wilson just sighed as he watched her. He could hope that things worked out between them, but then again, this was House and Cuddy, and their record was not a promising one.

Oooooooo

House laid on the couch in the silent room. Since today was Friday, he did not have to go in until later on. That did not make things better though. He still had to go in, and he would still have to deal with hypochondriac idiots that thought sniffles and headaches were eminent signs of death.

Instead of even attempting to watch tv anymore, he just stared up at the ceiling and listened to the rain drops hitting the window. It was as if everyday, he just gave up a little more. He started caring less and less. He was miserable. Alone and bored.

Just as he was about to close his eyes and doze off, there was a knock at the door. "It's open!" he yelled out. Lately, he had even stopped caring about locking the door. A break in at this point would at least give him something to do. Figure out who did it, figure out what was missing.

"I need to talk to you," Cuddy stated as she walked in.

House sat up and looked to her. She was soaked, more than she should have been from just walking from the car to the door. She had been hesitating to knock. "Seeing me makes you wet?" he questioned as he stood up and grabbed his cane.

Cuddy ignored the comment. "I wanted to thank you," she explained.

Making his way over to her, he furrowed his brow in confusion. "You came all the way out here to thank me?" he asked. "You ever hear of a phone?"

"You came all the way to the hospital to leave me a lollipop and five dollars. You ever hear of mail?" she asked.

"I wanted you to get mine right away though, and the mail carriers tend to take their time on certain things. All you had to do however is dial a phone," he argued.

Cuddy folded her arms. "I just wanted to do it in person, okay?" she explained.

"Your welcome," he replied and then stood there a moment and studied her. "That all?" he implored.

Cuddy was about to answer yes, but stopped herself. Not now, she couldn't back out now. "No," she carefully said. "I wanted to know if you could come back to your job. We need you," she requested. It was more or less she personally needed him, but it sounded better when she said we, at least, it did to her.

"Okay," he responded.

"Really?" she inquired, thinking that she would have to do more work than that to convince him.

"Yeah," he stated, going back to the couch. "I can be back Monday," he told her. Although he wasn't showing it on the outside, right now he was excited to get out of this place, to be able to do something else other than telling people that they are not sick and that their disease is made up in their head.

Cuddy stood there and smiled. "I'll see you then," she responded and then turned to leave.

House stopped before he sat down and looked to her. "There's towels in the bathroom right down the hall if you want to dry off a little," he offered. This was the first time in a while that he wasn't completely alone and he enjoyed it.

"Thanks," Cuddy replied and turned around and headed towards the bathroom.

Instead of sitting down again, House leaned against the back of the couch and watched the pathway that she would eventually cross through again. When she finally did, he smirked to her. "Divorcing Matt?" he implored, already knowing the answer.

Cuddy stood before the door and nodded. "Yes, he actually just signed the papers," she answered.

"You should be one of those bitches that takes him for everything he has. All his belongings and his money," he suggested. Deep down, he was mad at Matt for what he did to her. He did want him to pay for it.

Cuddy just laughed. "I'm not that bad," she replied. "I just want him out of my life, after that, I don't care what he does."

"Hmm," he hummed.

Cuddy procrastinated grabbing the door knob and leaving as she stood there, ready to leave. "Like I said, earlier, I really appreciate what you did," she stated.

"It was nothing," he responded.

Silence fell over the two and remained there. There was no awkwardness, no uncomfortable feelings, just two people happy to be in each other's company again.

"I could get my umbrella and walk you out," House offered, breaking the silence.

"No you can't," Cuddy returned, smirking.

"And you said you weren't that bad," he whined as he passed her to go to the closet. The last time that he had seen her, he was still hurt by what happened between them. Now, he still was, but it was different. Now, he had had time on his own. He had the time to realize that he still did want her in his life. He missed her.

Cuddy watched him. She knew what he was doing, the same thing she was, putting off her leaving. It was the best thing he could have done. She wasn't the only one that wanted her to stay. The only problem was that it was too soon. They couldn't just be together for a while. Not this quickly. Maybe in a while after they start talking again at work, they could, perhaps work their way back to what they had before they dated.

"Ready?" House asked, standing up with the umbrella.

Cuddy offered him a smile and nodded. "Yes," she answered. She then turned and opened the door for him.

House got to the door and opened the umbrella. Before they left the room, he made sure that she was perfectly shielded from the rain, which really was ridiculous since she had already been wet, but it still mattered to him.

Without any words exchanged between the two, they made their way over to her car, which was parked right in the front. They stopped before her door and he waited as she dug through her pocket and took out her keys.

It was after she got her door unlocked that she turned and stared into his eyes. "Thank you," she said.

"You've said that a lot today," he mentioned, looking back into her eyes.

There was a small tension. They both wanted to kiss. It was an urge that both of them had been fighting since she had walked into his place. They were both too scared to make the first move though. Neither one wanted to be the one responsible for going too fast at this point.

Those fears were tossed aside. They both leaned in and allowed the other to kiss them. Their lips touching, finally tasting each other after all that they had been through. For one moment, things felt okay again. Neither of them felt alone. That one moment.

Cuddy pulled back and looked to him with sympathy. "I can't," she slightly whimpered as she shook her head.

"I know," he flatly replied, just staring down to her. He couldn't go any further with her either, he just needed that kiss at least. Just something to remind him of what it was like. Something to remind him of why he wanted to go back to his old job and his old life.

Cuddy just got into the car and House went back inside. That was all they needed to get through the rest of that day.

They both knew that they could not get back together right away, they might be able to get along, and maybe even become friends, but there was not a romantic relationship within their near future. It was hard. They were two people, damaged by each other and by others around them. Even though they loved each other, they both still needed time.

All that was important though now, was that House was going back. Whether or not they wanted to admit it, they needed each other, and now, even though not dating, they could still have each other.

Cuddy started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. For the first time today, after taking all that time missing Matt and reflecting back on her past relationships and how they had failed, she realized that she did not need him. At least, not anymore.

House went back inside and placed the umbrella on by the door to dry off and headed back to the couch. For the first time in weeks, he was able to smile. This was his last day of being alone and bored.

The End

**I hope that you enjoyed this. I know, they didn't exactly get back together in the end, but it's still a happy ending, right? Better than the actual show maybe? Well, anyways, reviews are greatly appreciated, so please let me know what you think. **


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